Thread:Ursuul/@comment-24.64.102.138-20180313013908

hope you don't mind the undercase text and not logging in. a lot of shit went down that i need to tell you about, and im in a rush, sort of. idk.....tthis'll probably sound childish.

so idk if i told you but me and roxy were going to share a bed for the band tour to edmonton (the capital of my province) and i was excited for it. this is gonna sound strange, but i've been dreaming about it for weeks. i wasn't excited because of...sexual reasons, or anything, i was just looking forward to snuggling and you know....waking up to her. it was gonna be nice. but the third wheel problem is getting worse because roxanne decided to abandon me and go with kendra. i got people's advice and they told me talk to her, so i did (not very well, but i think i got the message-i'm extremely upset and sad that you're going with them and not me please go with me-across, and here's what she said: "aghhghhhhg, i don't want to sound like a jerk (long silence), i DO want to go with them tho. it's not liek we won't be in the same room for new mexico (other field trip), right?? i've been with the same group for every band thing and i like those guys. sorry." Sorry. She said that twice today, once at lunch after i finished crying my way through spanish clasds.WHy can't she stop saying sorry and jsut not screw me over like that???? also lots of bad things have happened recently like my mom abusing me again and overdue assignments and my earphones breaking.

so naturally, i went home saying over and over to myself, "you're not a jerk it just hurts that I'm obviously not enough for you", and then i came home and cried while ranting to my dad (surprising, considering that if he knew the actual circumstances of our relationship he'd probably literally murder me), and i cried for a whole half hour (maybe that's a record) as my dad comforted me surprisingly well, and then i stuffed homemade tomato-bacon-mac&cheese casserole into my face until the tears went away. except now the tears are probably gonna come back because i'm trying not to cry as i do my stupid two week overdue assignment and i can't stop getting distracted and my dad is waiting for me waiting to comfort me again and give me my favourite ice cream which is stupid because i should be happy about that ???? but im not and i also saw a thing saying you can't be fucking depressed if you have a house and some good friends and food which is fucking bullshit. and i can't stop thinking "this is the end, roxanne doesn't even like me that much anymore, she just worships fucking kendra and cassidy now" and i want to watch a yt stream and fuck, this is just really NOT my day. this is probably the stupidest thing you've ever read. bye. 