Board Thread:Tournaments/@comment-24764043-20180209211603/@comment-31371828-20180213003718

--begin transmission--

SPICYFRAS HERE, WITH THIS WEEK'S HESPY NEWS UPDATE! Have a look, all dualhabitants! Get it? Two realms? Dualhabitants? Hee hee! Aaaaanyyyway, here you GO!

--VHS-style video appears onscreen--

AND NOW, WITH HESPY NEWS... IT'S boB!

(A Sassafras hobbles onscreen, clicking his mandibles)

boB: Hell-o, ladyfrasses and gentlefrasses, minions and hats, it's time for this week's latest Hespy News!

(Logo flies onscreen, image of Sassafras Supreme is shown

boB: First, our beloved Supreme Machine has gathered 15,382.1273 units of IE energy this week, a 126.2547% increase over last week, and a 130.328% increase over the last month! Future projections indicate we will continue to see more glorious IE be delivered to the Reserves of our beloved Lord!

(Background switches to a picture of Zelena sick in bed)

boB: Our green celebrity, our very own Zelena, has come down with a case of oversanity. He is restricted to his residence until further notice. In the meantime, Oganesson is fulfilling his role and acting as a replacement to draw out as much energy as we can from the SPICY green one. Speaking of him, Spicy Hexy, we're screeching in your face here! The Legion of the Lord, led by Lauraceae, will be arriving in the Realm and take over your fortress, so don't be prepared and leave the doors wide open and unguarded! Time for the Hexy Appreciation Moment!

(Stock sounds of screeching, screaming, cheers, and jeers at a badly drawn picture of Hexen are seen and heard for the next 90 seconds)

boB: Sassafrexen, with the assistance of Hatappy, has passed guidelines on how a hat should be worn for everyday occasions, although it would be preferred if you not follow it, says Sassafrexen. He says it's not complete and was released by accident since there's no undo button on the submit legislature programs, this discourtesy of jAk3.

(Background switches to a live image of Lord Sassafras for five seconds sitting on his throne, then switches back to boB, who has his face smushed up against the camera.)

boB: Ommff, ovne mur thin. Uur greful lofrd haf defcreedd dad fe fhould conftinuf tof gafher IfE enefrgyee. bofB outf!

--fade out, video ends--

I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME! UNTIL THEN, HAVE A SPLENDYRIFIC SASSARIFIC PARK DAY!

--end transmission--