Thread:Ursuul/@comment-29771477-20170711131211

There was two things. You should know as background info for the first one, me and my dad like to roughhouse a lot, and we used to a lot more when I was little. So yesterday, I was texting Roxanne right up until bedtime, and then I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and my dad was right there, right? So when I go to the sink he starts to gargle some mouthwash and playfully shoves me away. I push him back, saying "don't shove me!", then he turns and jokingly says "You wanna fight?", putting his fists up in the air. Little does he know, my stupid fucking god damn trauma kicks in, and my brain pulls up the memory way back when of when my mom first pulled out a belt on me, and I was cowering in the corner before she did because she had already hit me 4-5 times, and when she was holding onto my shirt I dragged myself onto the ground punching her legs and tried to run away, and she just held on tighter, leering at me and spitting in my face, and she put up her fists exactly the same way and screamed "YOU WANNA FIGHT?! FIGHT ME!"....You better believe I almost had a mental breakdown right then and there. But instead I just inhaled sharply and desperately held it together for three terrible seconds before turning away and brushing my teeth in silence. No matter how much my dad asked what was wrong, I'd just say "Nothing". Which leads to the second thing..... After I finished brushing my teeth, I was laying in bed, tossing and turning like crazy because I had a million thoughts flying through my head at once. One of them was me imagining writing this exact post. I was finally starting to wrap up my thoughts and become more sleepy when I suddenly smell the all-familiar, triggering smell of marijuana. But I sit up and take a small sniff of my pillow, and the smell is gone. I think: "I must be really traumatized, it's probably just some flowers" and also imagined adding that to this post. Then I think a little longer and become way sleepier, hearing all kinds of coughing and talking outside before the smell comes back WAY stronger and I realize it's coming from my open window. You wouldn't fucking believe it: I finally put two and two together, realizing that the constant hacking is my mom's and she's the one "creating the smell". I sit stock still, trying to decide whether I should close my window or just lay there, but I don't want to close my window because it's loud and that would surely alert my mom to my presence, which is bad. So instead, I just sit there praying for sleep, helplessly inhaling copious amounts of marijuana smoke before my mom finally coughs a little bit more and goes back inside. I stayed up a little longer, maybe until about 10:30, then I finally went to sleep. Last night was one of the worst nights of my LIFE. 