Thread:Smgamermat77/@comment-29771477-20170225034323

I tried to poke humor at my problems, but you said I was bragging. I tried to make a witty sarcasric remark about suicidalness, but you told me I was mocking death, which is something I've never thought I'd hear from you, EVER. You say you're not fazed by anything, but your "jokes" say otherwise. I'm not sure how to really talk to you, because I'm pretty sure everyone is gonna creep your walla nd them flip out at me all over again. I mean, if you're genuinly offended by anything at all, say so. But i DID NOT appreciate the passive-agressive comment about society that you pretended wasn't geared ENTIRELY towards me. It's okay to be a "rebel", but lying blatantly about stuff is not.

I come to the diep.io wiki becasue yall always bring the best bantz and are in general fun to be around. At my darkest times, jokes and offhand comments are the only thing that make me feel better. I'm not sure whether you antagonizing me was because you were angry at Rifleman or just in a bad (well, whatever bipolar people call bad) mood, but it hurt. It's what made me get super sad anyways.

After I left, I tried not to cry all the way to dance school and while I was waiting in the lobby, and I'm very bad at hiding when I need to cry. I had a terrible class and battled tears all the way back home. Even after that, I'm probably going to cry myself to sleep? Why? Not because of your comments, if that's what you think it is. Not about anything at all involved with this wikia or even about wanting to die (I still do- I should just stab myself, I don't know why I haven't yet), it's about thinking that nobody truly hated my guts here and then you coming along and proving me wrong. All my philosophical talk isn't worth shit, because no matter what I am a "rough edge" of society and I can't get along with anyone. More people than usual dislike me, everywhere I go.

I know you didn't say this, but I didn't appreciate how you were impying I was trying to gain attention. When I want people's attention, I won't talk at all until I'm actually convinced they're listening. I wasn't trying t gain attention with the jokes/ list of mental illnesses shit, I was trying to make myself feel better. I hope you learn to discern the difference.

Like I said, I dunno what to say. My brain is telling me to delete this and go try and figure out how to commit suicide (again), my heart is telling me to pretend I'm happy and then run away from here. Neither sound like good options.

So, since I have nothing else to say, I just wanna say again that it hurts. IT HURTS. Not you, necessarily: brething, existing, having a brain, getting into arguments in general. Life hurts, and your comments are a lot like pulling and pulling on a thread of an old sweater. I'm not sure I can handle much more life before falling apart and turning into a ball of yarn.

I probably fucked this into oblivion too, so if you wanna ignore tis, go ahead. I mean, I'm not sure I care anymore, and I hope you don't take offense to that. I'm probably stretching too far by assuming that you aren't about to lose your shit. That's not meant to be offensive either btw.

I dunno what to say.

I don't know.

Don't freak out. 