Fanon:Sassafras Supreme

According to all known laws of aviation...

According to all known laws of aviation...

According to all known laws of aviation...

According to all known laws of aviation...

Overview
Sassafras X is an "improvement" over the infamous created by  (no, really, this time he's insane) as an experiment to determine the upper limit of annoyance and irritation that most rational beings can tale. Sassafras X is 325% larger than Sassafras, 150% larger than (who obviously doesn't appreciate the creation of Sassafras X) and comes with approximately 412.2571% more annoyingness. 

Design
Sassafras X has the same body layout as Sassafras: a tan hexagon body with 6 mounted weapons on the sides alternating between Dominator and Trapper turrets, and six large spawners that take up each of his sides. There is also one big black eye with a yellow pupil in the middle that looks around. However, that's where the similarities end. Sassafras X has three smaller eyes that look like the big one, forming a triangle around it (the smaller eyes are in line with the Dominator turrets.) Each of the turrets has another barrel opposite the first, so there are two weapons on each turret instead of one, like a Flank Guard's layout. Sassafras X's spawners each have three drone spawners spaced evenly jutting out of them. These spawners spawn Battleship drones that disappear after 12 seconds and do no damage. They simply serve a purpose to push things around. Sassafras X likes to direct these drones into various formations like arms and legs.

Behavior
Sassafras X will wander around surprisingly quickly, looking around at players with the glowing yellow pupils in its four black eyes. It will spin slowly as well, like an Auto 5.

The Trapper barrels fire out Mega Traps and the Dominator barrels will track the closest player. The Dominator bullets (which are really Gunner bullets) slightly curve and home in on players, but with so little effort its almost unnoticeable. They will explode into a ring of sixteen -sized bullets four seconds after fire if it did not make contact with a player.

Sassafras' main spawners will shoot out small brown hexagonal Minions called 'Sassafras', that get into groups and gun down players. They have 5 Gunner barrels, an Auto Turret with one barrel and a hexagon body, and are also scaled to the size of Sassafras X (and as a result, are just slightly smaller than normal Sassafras.) When a Sassafras minion is destroyed, all other Sassafras Minions will get the Frenzy buff for 2 seconds. He will begin spawning these at half health, and stop spawning them at quarter health. Every minion will say the word 'Sassafras' every few seconds, quietly.

Sassafras X has the exact same quote blabbering mechanics as Sassafras, however, his voice is much louder, he talks much more frequently, and he will occasionally make random loud and obnoxious noises. Very rarely, Sassafras X will say a quote, switching between quiet and ear-splitting volumes randomly while he is saying it (rip headphone users). It also sounds like four voices are talking at once when Sassafras says things (or makes weird sounds.)

When Sassafras X is near Hexen's Hexagon Fortress in Melancholy Forest (which is where Dr. Lacus usually drops him, although he can drop Sassafras X anywhere in the Realm), he increases his talk rate by 300%, saying things over each other (and annoying the heck out of anything that's near him.) Within 3-5 minutes of Sassafras X's spawn, Hexen will burst out of his fortress, Invincible, and attack Sassafras X (with his abilities) to end it quickly. Players cannot hurt Hexen, and the only thing they can do is to help him take down Sassafras X. When either a player or Hexen defeats Sassafras, Hexen will rush back into his fortress and close the doors with a slam.

Trivia

 * If Sassafras X does spawn near Hexen's fortress, any player in a large area around it will hear Sassafras's theme, and anyone who knocks on the door will get Hexen yelling something about Sassafras X and cursing Dr. Lacus for doing it again.
 * However, if Sassafras X does spawn near the fortress while Hexen is fighting, players nearby will see Sassafras X rushing into the fortress, blowing open the doors, destroying the thorn mine barrier blocking the entrance to Hexen's Battle room, and start blabbering his four eyes off with quotes to annoy Hexen. Regardless of where he is in the fight, Hexen will say a series of angry quotes, become Invincible, and any of Hexen's minions (including bosses) will join him in chasing Sassafras X out of the fortress to kill it. They will completely ignore players, but since Hexen is Invincible, don't bother fighting him. Afterwards, once Sassafras X is killed, a special transmission from the Polygon Mother will occur, Hexen returns to the fortress, and his fortress will get reset. However, this spawn only has a 1/100 chance to occur during Hexen's fight.
 * I had to.