Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-24764043-20180120164521

Recently, I have felt not necessarily undeserving of my responsibilities as one of the two Senior Administrators of the site, but I definitely do not feel like I am contributing enough nor do I feel like I should be one compared to other users.

People use my legacy, as one of the first people on the wiki, its original leader who guided it through the early days, all as reasoning enough to keep me standing where I do. But that's not enough for me. This is not a message of resignation, but it is a question of myself and the opinions of the wiki regarding whether I should or not.

My main problem is that I was gone from here for far too long and then returned on a whim, resuming to control as if it was the before days. But things had changed, greater standards had developed, and rules had changed. And I, despite asking multiple times, was never informed of all these new standards. I didn't and still don't want to make decisions because I don't know what new standards there are and if I would be criticized for taking action, such as promoting or demoting someone. I don't know if my "old timey reasons" on Diep.io Wikia are enough any more. Even after reading policies regarding all this and that, I can't find myself to do anything. I've redirected countless people to Ursuul when I myself should be just as reliable as him when answering questions or managing things. But I am not.

It also could be said that I just don't want the responsibility and to bear the weight of a lot of it. Recently, I just have isolated myself back to work on various of my own things, of which don't really matter or contribute a lot to the whole of the wiki. I would like to resume my work in peace, but I also feel like if I surrendered my responsibilities, I would lose full control of how Fanon and my concepts are handled and categorized across the wiki, and I would lose much of the control and influence over what could happen to them. With my power I can argue for or against things and sway decisions I find to be good or not, but with that comes the responsibilities of managing the wiki, of which right now I find far too overwhelming. Not just due to the above mentioned being away for a long time as rules and standards changed, but also due to real life.

I am in a dilemma, and I have come to you to ask whether you think I have done enough, or what I should do. '''I just wish there was a way to keep my influence over decisions but also be able to enforce them, without having such high expectations of me that I obviously cannot meet. Unfortunately for me, that is not how life works, however. With great power comes great responsibility... and I am not cut out for the responsibility anymore.''' I don't get the same thrill from leading any more. I would spend countless days eager to see what people had done while I was away, but now I care more of the other side of the wiki, the conception side, and would rather spend and focus all my time into that without worrying about "If I'm doing enough". 