User blog:The Archprophet/Winter Is Coming...

Alas, it technically is already here as once again I nearly fall behind the holiday season, but NO LESS! My gift for all of you! ABSOLUTION!

Join me now, in the name of the winter season and its... absolutely heretical reasons. If you join us here in the "Cult", we shall forgive everything about your otherwise irreversibly vile pasts, and let it fall behind us like the snow, buried under the blanket of white. Less burying the hatchet and more the shovel that I could have instead used to bash your impossible and corrupt brains in with. So that's another gift for you. You get to live another year. Congrats.

OH HO HO HO HO, boys and girls! I am not done yet! Santaprophet has presents for all good girls and boys. First, just like last year, you all get free, but this time more of them and given directly to you in a shiny box from me. Last year I ordered them oversee and was making a fool of myself in February trying to make up the belated Christmas gift.

There is also extra gifts for those who join the Cult right now. Everyone already in obviously already got their way better gifts before you will, so act fast and you may come close to the presents received by my thousands and millions of dearest friends. I mass printed them with the heading addressed as such, and people are still killing each other over who is my real dearest friend. Boris is fun to talk to but he's always busy. Belisarius makes things sort of like talking to a sentient brick wall, but his eyes are always just full of delightful words and I can read them like lips... that he also doesn't have. can be quite the oddball. He tried to build me a jetpack, but it runs on... what did he call it... ? Let's just say it's really annoying to use. Its a step up from last year, when all he gave me was a scarf. Cultists have argued for centuries over whether I wear a belt or a cape but now I just blatantly wear both. I think Lacus appreciates it, but he has never really brought it up. Probably because I wear the same thing every day anyway.

Alternatively, if you don't join the Cult, I can have mince you into bits and fed to wild, but that is beside the point. Its more humane than what we used to do before, which was burn and then throw your remains into a ditch. It started to smell up by Cinderfell and the wind wafted everything toward the Tower. So I disintegrated EVERY ATOM OF THEIR BEING! Now I have the Apostle come up with fun ways to handle the lifeless bodies of like-minded insolents so that this doesn't happen again. As of late we've practiced not just helping nature by feeding the Scorpios and keeping Melancholy Forest's ecosystem in tact, but also have let them compost to feed the grasses of The Realm. Vallard Wastes and its volcanoes of acidic waste have been really fun to experiment with, but I usually let Lacus mess with that. He's kind of slowed down since he accidentally melted three rooms of his mountain laboratory. Don't worry though... he has a lot more...

In other news, I've been thinking about starting a cooking show recently. I've been taking classes in a lot of things so that I can be hip with the kids. Cooking, dancing with ever since he bought out.

My flower garden has been doing well. I just wish it was bigger. Like encompass the outside of the Tower bigger. With exotic plants and creatures of my design. I think flowers that are sentient, or pea pods big enough to sustain entire populations could really do the Realm good. Its just a shame that the west of The Realm has come to what it has since the Dormancy Period. The Plains just aren't the magical and Ethereal wonder they used to be... ''We would stare out at the sunset... up at the stars... for such a long Time...''

Time.....