Greetings, inhabitants of the Realm and Hesperians alike, I am SASSAFREXEN, your humble servant of our almighty Lord Sassafras. Since you're here, I'm sure you have many questions about how we Hesperians are organized.
How do we gather so much IE Energy quickly and efficiently?
Who really makes the decisions that might or might not (yet) affect your meaningful lives?
And most of all, why do donuts have holes in them? Wait, what? Oh, stupid Minions...
Actually, the prime question is, how did all this come to be?
If you're itching to have any one of these queries answered, you've come to the right video! If not... well, stay a while. You might learn something new about the glorious cause of our Lord. Let's begin!
As you may know, I was the first of the true Hesperian League to be created, or rather, enhanced, since I started life as a simple Sassafras. Before that, the League was little more than a numerous collection of clones of our Lord. You see, he didn't have the IE Energy to do much more than replicate himself into linked entities, genetically homologou ancestors of the common Hesperians known as Sassafras, of which you might be if you're watching this. The fact is, in the later years, those Sassafras who were clones reproduced, with more Sassafras as their offspring, and so on. Now, genetic diversity has given rise to many varieties of the common Sassafras. If you are a common Hesperian, you are descended from one of those Sassafras. Yes, even you Legionnaires, your ancestors, being Sassafras Minions were enhanced with the power of IE Energy to become the most powerful fighters the Realm has ever seen! But I'm getting beside the point. The fact is, I was the first who gave the Hesperian League its beef, so to say.
Next, came the monstrosity called the "Sassafras Supreme," created by that crazy scientist. I personally don't like what our Lord did with it, but I must admit, it does its job superbly well. And then, after our Lord opened Hesperia for the first time for the Imperials to explore, he was able to trick them into gathering loads of precious IE Energy from them, later used to give rise to Oculus and Trinovia, the two of which with me formed the triumvirate of the High Sassa Council. Our Lord then commissioned the Sassa Club, the nine of which who run around the Realm, gathering IE Energy for Hesperian glory. Well, seven, as while IE Energy is common, I must confess that certain concentrations of it are... volatile and can cause complications with enhancements, hence the fall of two to the dark side, so to speak.
This next one is somewhat unfortunate of a happening, but it turned out alright in the end. Derpii was created in my free time when I accidentally spilled a bottle of IE Energy in its liquid form mixed with Vallard waste on one of my Hesperian assistants, turning her into Derpii. While she may be an incessant liar, she's the best at spinning wild tales and spreading news of the cause of Hesperia. Then, while expanding Hesperia, which some of you might call the Realm of Sassafras, we established the position of Spicyfras, the Sassafras who is deemed the spiciest of them all and acts as the public representative on the Council. Hatappy was given a spot because he was the one who discovered the use of the Hat from the Mad Hatter. The Hat is a staple of Hesperian life, and each Hesperian owns at least one or a variation of it (it's a matter of preference if they wear it or not.) Then, we have Lauraceae, she who commands the Legion Commanders, and such is the High Commander of our lord's army. Then, we have Señor Sassaprophet. Oh, Señor Sassaprophet was a mistake. He... is mostly in charge of overseeing the IE Reserves, and making sure those lazy so-called Guardians (they weren't my idea, ask Trinovia) do their jobs. And he boisterously proclaims that he is He Who Towers In The Laughs, and that the He Who Laughs in the Tower is a mockery and a fake. We all know who came first, but I think that the latter could be converted if he would bow to our Lord. Why waste your time trying to rescue a god who's locked away in a pocket dimension somewhere when you can worship one who is already here?
The Legion Commanders? Oh, you should know who they are. They command the Legion, obviously, but they specialize in a type of Legionnaire class. It was my idea (and job, which I lovingly fulfilled for my Lord) to draw them from beings across the Realm and enlighten them to our cause with IE Energy, because we had learned from the Sassa Club that the inherent high concentrations of IE Energy in common Sassafras are too volatile to enhance without unpredictable side effects and/or consequences. My apologies if that offended you, fellow Hesperians.
And that's it! This is how the Hesperian League came to be, all Hesperians united under a common cause. What is that common cause? Go on, say it with me.
TO GATHER IE ENERGY FOR OUR LORD, HIS SASSAJESTY LORD SASSAFRAS!
Now, if you want to learn in-depth about how the Hesperian League is currently laid out in terms of the power and authority hierarchy, please proceed to the next section.
Our High Lord Sassafras
It is only appropriate, and thus perfect, to begin with he who started it all, His Sassajesty Lord Sassafras, Memelord, Sultan Of Sassafras Supremes, The One Of Yellow Eyes, The One Who Blabbers Under And OVER Hexen, The Bane of The Hexagon Disciple, The Embodiment Of Perpetual Irritation, The Spearhead Of Wasabi, The Ruler Of The Realm Of Sassafras, The King Of Cackling, He Who Was Raised By Ducks From A Young Age, The Guru of Gibberish, The Great Tan One, Sassa Club Chief, He With The Eyes In Hands, Commissioner of the Supreme Sassafras, Supreme High Overlord of His Sassajesty's Legions, Boss, The Ancestor of Legend, The Savior of Hesperians, Conqueror of the Tan Hexagons, The Primordial Gatherer of IE Energy, Eyezman, And Extraordinary Emperor Of All Things Sassafras of Hesperia.
Yes, we must give his full title when introducing him in a formal setting, but only the most formal of formal settings, such as here. Otherwise, he is "His Sassajesty, Supreme High Lord Sassafras of Hesperia" in official documents, and "His Sassajesty, Lord Sassafras" otherwise. Yes, his given name is "Lord", and his surname is Sassafras. We Hesperians are free to choose what name we like, though. I chose "Sassafrexen", as Lord Sassafras created me in the image of the hexagon disciple, Hexen. We'll get to him in a while.
Otherwise, there isn't much to say about our Lord, other than that he is the pinnacle of Hesperians, a highly benevolent ruler above all (who doesn't do very much these days, as his responsibilities have been divided out amongst my colleagues and I. We go to him for final decisions among disputes or for his opinion on things individually or as a group, which is often in Oculus's case because he can't decide if a pentagon has five or six sides. He's a pentagon, for Sassafras's sake. Otherwise, every time an issue comes up that we can't come in agreement to, we approach our Lord for guidance and his thoughts on the matter.)
The High Lords of Hesperia
The High Advisors
The High Lords of Hesperia consist of the High Council of Hesperia, and the High Advisors, a panel of three Hesperians very close to Lord Sassafras. They would be his inner circle, were it not for Lord Sassafras telling the other eight High Lords (us High Councilors) everything they suggest and putting it up for debate among us eleven High Lords.
The High Advisors are Diepmon, Dypemon, and Diepermun. No, it's not one Hesperian with three minds. It's three Hesperians who have inexplicably similar-sounding names, and who also look ridiculously like each other, despite not even being related in the slightest. Furthermore, High Lord Diepmon is not to be confused with Legion Commander Diepmon, who is another Hesperian entirely. I have a feeling our Lord had something to do with this, but who am I to complain about it? If it works, it works.
The three High Advisors do exactly what their name suggests: They advise our Lord, although on the most trivial matters most of the time. I can't tell whether his indecsiveness on which toothpaste to use in the morning, which IE Energy drink to sip first, or which hat to put on Lord Sassahat is truthful or just for fun to keep the High Advisors busy. However, when it comes to actually important decisions, the High Advisors always come to a general consensus before presenting their idea to our Lord, who either accepts or gives it to the High Council for debate.
The High Council of Hesperia (The High Sassa Council)
The High Council of Hesperia is made up of eight (soon to be seven, if we can get that bumbling fool Señor Sassaprophet booted from it,) Hesperians, including me. We are the true governing body of Hesperia, whereas Lord Sassafras makes final decisions in times of dispute or conflict. His authority supersedes that of the High Council, but he mostly steps back and lets us do the governing.
It is only appropriate for me to introduce myself formally. I am Sassafrexen, His Lord's First Subordinate. I am in charge of just about anything Lord Sassafras commands me to do, which includes making his morning coffee and processing all fan mail that comes his way. "But Sassafrexen, sir, why can't those duties be regulated to other Sassafras or Sassafras Minions?" you might ask. Well, for one, you've got to be big enough to carry the coffee cup. Secondly, I owe my life to Lord Sassafras - without him, I would be a common Sassafras. I recognize that I may be a glorified secretary, but for me, there is no higher honor than being my Lord's finest servant and leading the High Sassa Council.
Oculus sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake and raiding the refrigerator, but fortunately, he doesn't see you in the shower - we have very specific IE Energy blocks for that. I personally don't like Oculus's obnoxiousness - he's a liar, but not an honest liar like Derpii. You can't trust him with anything except reporting on what he sees across both Hesperia and the Realm, sort of like a night watch guard. His ability to open portals to anywhere and everywhere gets annoying. Since he has some form of attention deficit hyperactive disorder, we have to keep an eye (or six) on him at all times. Why is he on the High Sassa Council, you ask? Lord Sassafras made it that way, and we do not question the will of our Lord, not when this decision was made long ago. Besides, despite all his shortfalls, Oculus comes up with the best ideas for things, such as interior decoration for Lord Sassafras's second and seventh living rooms and military tactics. He can also read minds, so that's a plus.
Nobody gets in and out of Hesperia without Trinovia knowing. He knows your blood pressure, body temperature, PIN, Sassafras Security number, BMI, identification, and what you last ate. Trinovia is the best security or border guard we could ask for, and he's so much more. He knows secrets and locks them up tight. He can also unlock secrets from even the tightest of minds, and not to mention unlock any physical lock. However, don't knock anything of his out of place, especially his plans. His OCD means everything has to be in its place and everything has a place, or else. Trinovia meticulously creates these complicated plans of attack for Realm Parades, which we always have to narrow down. If you've lost a key or lock somewhere in Hesperia, go to Trinovia. He probably has it, considering that he's a compulsive hoarder and must grab every key he finds, but fortunately won't take from others. He's also paranoid someone will steal his keys, and Sassafras Minions have succeeded on some occasions. Needless to say, those Minions didn't last very long with angry Trinovia.
Derpii is annoying at times, but she does her job well. Derpii keeps extensive records of what has happened in the recorded history of the Hesperian League, and much of what has happened since your Old Era, Imperials. She spends her time embellishing these tales and reading them to young Sassafras every Saturday. She may be an incessant liar, but it's always easily known when she is fibbing - her sarcasm really gives it away. I care for Derpii in a way, partly because I was responsible for her condition. Derpii also takes care of spreading the word about the cause of Hesperia and recruiting non-Hesperians to our nation, and it's been partially successful. We haven't gotten many new recruits, but at least everyone knows who we are!
The position of Spicyfras, the representative of all Hesperians for them to have a voice in the High Council, isn't currently held by anyone as of now because the previous Spicyfras resigned. The Spicyfras, elected to a three-year term, voices the citizens' concerns and must be completely without bias and not be tempted by personal gain, which usually isn't a problem. No political corruption here! The Spicyfras must also be a proficient fighter and have gathered lots of IE Energy in the Realm to be eligible for the position's candidacy.
Hatappy, as you may know, was given a position on the High Council for being the first to learn the art of hatmaking for Hesperians, otherwise known as millinery. He stole the secret of hat design from the Mad Hatter, and using that in conjunction with IE Energy, he learned how to infuse hats to create the signature Hesperian Hat in many different sizes, for all Hesperians alike. Hatappy doesn't like to see others get hurt; he dislikes fighting, being a pacifist; and he doesn't want his beautiful hats defiled, so Legionnaires are not allowed to wear hats if they are on active duty. Hatappy has a small army of Hesperian tailors and apprentices in his tailor shop and spends most of his time there in the capital city of Hesperia instead of in the High Council room, so we don't hear from him much. Still, he's a full-fledged member of the Council and is welcome to voice his thoughts on any subject at any time.
Lauraceae? Oh, don't get me started on her... but since it's my job to tell you about her, that's what I'll do. Lauraceae is the High Commander of our Lord's Legion, and doesn't really praise her Legionnaires, deeming them inadequate and inept soldiers who lack the skill and strength of the Imperials. Well, I'm offended! They are at least 150% stronger than most Imperials, and with ten classes of Legionnaires to choose from, she should at least be thankful for my efforts! After all, I'm the one who commissioned the Legion Commanders, and her as well! Hmph. Well, she's not all bad, I suppose. Lauraceae is big and imposing, so the Legion Commanders treat her with respect because of her foul attitude. She also loves to see others suffer, so if we let her loose on any non-Hesperians, she would probably torture them to death. Actually, I take that back. She really is crazy, but don't tell her I said that! I would rather not have her on the High Council, but she's an amazing strategist and usually is the one responsible for overruling Trinovia's overcomplicated plans.
Where to begin with Señor Sassaprophet? Oh, for the love of Lord Sassafras, I don't want to talk about him, but I must. He wears a sombrero for every day of the year except for Hesperia Day, when he wears a normal Hesperian top hat on top of that. He has a ridiculous mustache, but it pales in comparison to our Lord's. He insists on being called "Señor", which is Vilcish for "Mr." or something like that. His official role is the overseeing of the IE Reserves, something that used to be Derpii's job before she switched to historian and
propagandist Hesperian missionary, in a sense. Sassaprophet doesn't that job well, and he also is the self-proclaimed "master of mariachi." I have little knowledge of what that is, but it seems to be some sort of dance involving obnoxious music, guitars, and shaky rattles. Maybe there's a way to use that to gather IE Energy. Other than that, Sassaprophet is constantly gloating about how he's so much better than that fool the Archprophet. I beg to differ - while the leader of the Cult of Panzer doesn't know the full power of Hesperia, he is definitely superior to our bumbling fool of a High Council Member. How was Sassaprophet created? Well, the Imperials were raiding the Tower of Gladii, when a Hesperian entered the wrong coordinates to teleport into the Realm and ended up somewhere in Archie's room. Needless to say, he was a Sassafras Minion, and when the Archprophet was charging up a Fireball Storm during one of his monolith attacks, the Minion got zapped, and by releasing some IE Energy, was hurled into the Archprophet, thus absorbing some of his dark essence. (How do we know this? Trinovia received an alert about a misteleportation, and we got Oculus to look into it. Get it? Look into it?) When we recovered the unfortunate Minion, he had transformed into what he is now, and coincidentally his name was Sassaprophet. Lord Sassafras regrets putting him on the High Council (for what reason in the first place, I don't comprehend), and we are in the process of trying to get him to resign. He's not doing very much with the IE Reserves, and the Guardians are slacking off.
Groups Subordinate to the High Council
The Five Regional Governors of Hesperia
This one should be obvious: The Regional Governors are the political and representative heads of the five other cities in Hesperia. They govern where we cannot, even though we could, but this isn't more efficient. They report to us, and there isn't really much to say about them. Basically, they're just Hesperians who have some power over others, but only localized decisions within their jurisdiction.
Hesperian Citizens (Common Sassafras)
If you are a Hesperian citizen, be proud! You are a small part, albeit still a part, of the most glorious nation this dimension has ever witnessed! While one of your more dangerous duties is to gather IE Energy, you somehow almost always return with more than you needed to get to the Realm. And contrary to what others think, you are not all uniformly (but still, admittedly spicy) hexagons. Hesperia is proud to hold so many beings with many different sizes, and of all colors and all-seeing eyes (but tan and yellow are still spicy.) For that, I congratulate you all! Remember that are entitled to all the rights on this document. [Sassafrexen unfurls a very long list filled with non-redundant and non-similar rights, which is a lot.] Feel free to examine this document in your own time. If you have a question, please contact your Regional Governor, who will guarantee that it reaches me. Until then, continue the quest for IE Energy and blabber on!
IE Energy Department
The Hesperian IE Energy Gathering Corps (The Sassa Club)
The Sassa Club has had a long and tumultuous history as the chief gatherers of IE Energy for Hesperia. I've seen members rise up and through the ranks and fall back down to other positions - why, Derpii was a member of the Sassa Club before she ascended to the rank of High Council member. The current Sassa Club consists of seven members in active service, although Oculus would tell you there are nine. He's right, but two have sadly left the ranks of the Hesperian League and gone elsewhere. The Sassa Club has had anywhere between six and ten members from the time of its establishment, but it currently has seven, as I stated earlier.
Heptone was the leader of the Sassa Club not too long ago. Unfortunately, for some reason, she decided to assassinate Derpii, even though Derpii was her predecessor and she probably owed her new position to the latter. I learned her plans to use Sentiquet to kill Derpii (as Sentiquet has the unusual ability to absorb the after-death IE Energy) and was forced to banish her (or was it Lord Sassafras who ordered it, I don't remember) to the Melancholy Forest, never to enter Hesperia again. I regret that, but I had no choice. I suspect the reason for this was that we experimented with Panzer's essence, drawing from those black lizard thingies to create Heptone, but in the image of our Lord and all Hesperians. Where she is now, I don't know. She seems to have vanished off the face of the Realm and isn't in league with the Cult. I may have to investigate further...
Novementha? I have no clue where he got to - he was an unwitting pawn in Heptone's plot, and I prematurely exiled him for that. However, after we cleared things up with Zelena (who was also involved without knowledge of Heptone's plans), Novementha was nowhere to be found. I want to retrieve him and welcome him back with open arms, but wherever he has gone, I know not. Unusually, what's now known as Wintercrest wasn't always that way, as not long after Novementha's disappearance and the exile of Heptone, that area just suddenly froze over (Happyfras says it was due to an accident on his part, but I have another theory.) Sentiquet still hates Novementha, though, and constantly looks for him just to get her revenge for whatever it was that he did.
Nobody likes Sentiquet except me. I'm her only friend, possibly because I'm the only one who can stand her IE Energy-fueled rage and foul attitude. I have to say, I haven't seen anyone use gravity like Sentiquet can.
Zelena is a Sassafras Minion who was modified to have lots and lots of "eyes", but in actuality, he only has seven (and his gender is ambiguous. I'm not sure if he identifies as male or female, but I think he's a guy.) He actually came about when I was messing around with hexagon essence and mixed with him. Like most Minions, he's hyperactive. Unlike most Minions, he is very destructive with his many laser-firing eyes, so we release him next to Hexen's minions for maximum IE gathering. He loves hexagons, and being partly green hexagon himself more than other Hesperians, he wants to affiliate with them. It's too bad that they don't want to do the same.
Emiolis was Sassaprophet's idea, and basically, he serves as Sassaprophet's secretary. You have to sympathize with Emiolis, as Sassaprophet dumps all his duties on Emiolis, leaving very little time to gather IE Energy. I modified him with IE Energy and tech
stolenborrowed from Octrax's fortress for service in the Sassa Club.
You want to know where Sassafras Japan Rail came from? Our Lord may or may not have manipulated the mad doctor into modifying the first Hesperian from Lord Sassafras's essence into Sassafras JR. JR's the strong, silent type and doesn't say too much, but he's a formidable fighter with his veritable eye of tricks and literally charges into battle without heed of what's in his way. If only he would focus more on gathering IE Energy and less on fighting...
I gave Klonen the ability to clone himself like Lord Sassafras. He wastes a lot of IE Energy replicating himself like this, but he more than makes up for it by multiplying his gathering rate eight or sixteen-fold. I just don't like the fact that it takes him 16 times longer to use the restroom than anyone else, him taking 16 to 32 times the normal dinner portion a Hesperian would eat, and having 16 or more times the vote in some matters. Perhaps it should be a mind count and not a body count when it comes to these Hesperia-wide popular opinion votes.
Oganesson is the 118th Sassafras, and he loves his hats. Thus, one could conclude (and be true in doing so) that he is Hatappy's best customer. He's a special snowflakey Sassafras, so to speak, because I dare say that no Hesperian, or anyone that I know of, for that matter (okay, maybe Berthe) is as crazy or unpredictable as him. Oganesson doesn't see as well as other Hesperians, perhaps because his eyes on the sides of his face instead of in the center or somewhere near that like other beings. Oculus often bestows gifts on Oganesson, but the latter usually ends up turning them into IE Energy, eating them, or feeding them to his Minions (who reject them, of course. Who eats a Hesperian Hat?)
Happyfras has anger issues, but that's only if you get him muy enojado. Other than that, he's happy all the time, as his name suggests. Happyfras is very popular among the Minions, being a Minion himself. He is good friends with Zelena, and both seem to be leaders and a collective voice for the Minions, although Happyfras is the dominant of the two. He has a special hat all to himself and adores it like it's his offspring. Needless to say, Happyfras is the friendliest of the Sassa Club, who usually don't even meet together.
Guardians of the IE Vault
Oh, these guardians are not to be messed with. I'm warning everybody, including my fellow Hesperians. No one is allowed in the IE Vault and Reserves without permission from Lord Sassafras, and even I don't have jurisdiction over them. At least... this is how it's supposed to be. This quartet of formidable fighters are victims of sloth, as they don't even do much more than sit in their quarters. Like I said, I don't have jurisdiction over them, and Trinovia made the idiotic mistake of relinquishing command of the Guardians to Sassaprophet, who as you know is overwhelmingly inept and neglecting of this duty. Thus, there is no one to tell the Guardians to do their job. Like they say, you had ONE job... and that job is protecting the IE Vaults! At least they put one of Trinovia's ultra-high security locks on there that's activated by voice command, so nobody's getting in, even if the Guardians actually guarded anything but their snack food supply. One Fras, Two Sass, Red Fras, and Blue Fras are their names; any further detail on them, is classified to preserve the IE Reserves's security integrity, or what's left of it, anyway because those morons refuse to do their job.
Commanders of the Lord's Legion
The ten (really nine, read on) commanders of His Sassajesty's Legion are a varied bunch. They were drawn from far, wide, and from some other places you don't want to know about. Augmented with IE Energy and enlightened to the cause of Hesperia, they serve as the commanding officers of the Legion's ten subdivisions of soldiers, known as Legionnaires. They answer directly to Lauraceae (most of them, anyway), who in turn "expresses" (read: boisterously shouts her eye off) their opinions and complaints to the other members of the High Council.
If there were an award for the most obnoxious Hesperian, Diepmon would be the runner-up. He's not irritating in terms of irrationality, it's his overbearing vanity and gigantic ego that gets on my nerves. Diepmon leads the Gunner Legionnaires, who spray their bullets at the foes of Hesperia.
Berthe likes shiny things, more than he should. Since there's no one to keep this ice dog on a leash, he runs wild throughout Hesperia in his off time, breaking into houses to swipe all the sparkly and reflective objects he can find (mirrors are his favorite.) Lauraceae completely neglects to give him orders, whether it's out of ignorance or forgetfulness when it comes to leading the Hoplite Legionnaires, our main infantry force.
Ugandan Knuckles knows "de wey", as he puts it. This fat echinda is named so because his fists are so big and he was a species known as Ugandi zaglossus. His uncanny sense of direction has come in handy more than once, and Lauraceae takes pride in his promptness and swiftness at leading the Waller Legionnaires, fitting giving his bulk, which may be his only drawback: He's obsessed with chips.
Tamatoa is a giant singing crab from who knows where. I opened a portal and set the wrong dimensional coordinates, and this guy came out upside down with a pile of gold on his back, along with a lord's load of sand and shells. Artillery shells, not seashells, oddly. He remained mostly the same when I enhanced him, but now has a more surly attitude and is even more psychotic than before. He heads the Grappler Legionnaires.
Lysandre confounds me. Her species doesn't look like anything I recognize. A massive assault cannon like Diepmon's... but she stores it on her back and it has cool lights when she holds it while firing. I might also mention that I pulled her from a portal somewhere and that she had a case of amnesia, so we Hesperians slapped her new name on her until she remembers what her old name is (it starts with "E", we've figured that out with some mind-probing). For now, she's not quite a Hesperian in body, but she is in name. She also loves chili sauce. She leads the Heavy Legionnaires, the artillery of the Legion.
There exists no record of a being named "Coldfist" in Hesperian records. Apparently, the position here is assigned to a Hesperian with such a name, but it is empty. For what reason, I fail to comprehend why. In any event, the Beserker Legionnaires are left without a leader until I can find someone to fill this position. WIP
The Armed Forces of the Hesperian League, and the bulk of our military might. Where in the early days of Hesperia, we were forced to venture out into the dangerous world alone, now we have the designated protectors of His Sassajesty's Legion. The Legion of the Lord protects everyone who needs protection when gathering IE Energy. The best part is, they are expendable - Legionnaires' unique physiology, like other Hesperians, allows them to return to Hesperia intact if they are defeated in the world below - without scratches, to boot! What separates them is that they are practically a smaller race of beings, but Hesperians nonetheless. If you are a Legionnaire specializing in any of the ten types or of any of the four ranks, take pride in your role of advancing the Hesperian League!
Other Hesperians of Note
Crys is an interesting Hesperian. He's helpful, like a Minion, but perhaps too helpful. I get that he loves to assists everyone (and I mean everyone, even the potted plants in front of Aegle Hall), but he neglects his IE Energy gathering duties, to my chagrin. To compensate for this, I granted him special duties and permissions to help whoever he could, since that is all he seems to do. He even helps our Lord on occasion. Recently, he has been assisting (or should I say SASSisting, heh heh) gather IE Energy with the Sassa Club, so he's learning to contribute more than just being a walking encyclopedia of all things Hesperia and some things that aren't.
Twenty-One And Other Artificial Hesperians (The NokiaFrasses)
This and the following two sections are still WIP.
The Ballistic Barricade
Sentient Hats of Hesperia
Now, here's a fact that may or may not surprise you: Hats are Hesperians! Well, three hats in particular. They are DJ Hatte, Half 'n Hat, and Lord Sassahat.
Lord Sassahat, as those of you already in the know may recall, is Lord Sassafras's only hat, and a living one at that. It is, of course, impossible to give life to an inanimate object, but transferring the mind of a living being into an inanimate object is another story. It was through the wonders of IE Energy that Lord Sassafras himself gave his favorite High Advisor (his original name is lost to history, despite Derpii's best efforts) the glory of sitting upon his mighty (yet bald) head. Lord Sassahat is now his name, and he is the only other Supreme High Lord of Hesperia, counting Lord Sassafras, of course. The two share the closest bond of any Hesperians that I know of, to the point that they could be brothers. Whether or not this theory is true is something that would invade their privacy. Lord Sassahat doesn't speak much, but he'll pipe up once in a while. He's not movement-restricted to Lord Sassafras's head, either - he can move around at will, as can the other two sentient hats of Hesperia.
Half 'n Hat
Half 'n Hat works in the IE Energy Reserves. He was a former Spicyfras, but decided to undergo the process of hat-izing himself, with the help of Hatappy and Lord Sassafras himself, to find new meaning to life. Though, when it comes to IE Energy, anything's possible, and that's how he gained the power to refine half of the entire IE Energy Reserves's containment units in one snap. However, snapping further only results in half of the remaining unrefined IE Energy being refined, and so on. He still refines it at an amazing rate, though.
DJ Hatte was a normal Hesperian who underwent the same hat-izing process. He is a 109-time winner of the Hesperian Performing Arts Competition, winning almost every other year over the event's 240-year history. As his name entails, DJ Hatte is a DJ - specifically, he's the DJ for the Sassa Clubhouse, which is owned and is the headquarters of - you guessed it - the Sassa Club. Sick beats, yo.
Hesperian Helpers (Sassafras Minions)
To introduce Sassafras Minions, I'll begin by quoting Lord Sassafras on the subject of Minions:
"Hesperians of the diminutive order are not slaves, nor are they servants. They choose to serve, not out of necessity, but by will.
Hesperian Helpers, otherwise known as Sassafras or Hesperian Minions (I prefer to call them Minions, as it always seems that they're ready to do your bidding) are a sub-race of diminutive Hesperians who live to serve out of sheer will, quite literally. Since they don't really belong to any of the other three branches of Hesperian hierarchy, they're listed separately here. Originally, it was that we greater Hesperians created them with IE Energy, but now we can call them as we please from Hesperia if we are out in the Realm gathering IE Energy. They breed like rabbits, and for some reason love wearing hats. If you treat them well, they will favor you and choose to serve you over your fellow Hesperians. If you don't treat them well, they'll still choose to serve you, albeit noticeably slower while carrying out your requests and in smaller numbers. Sassafras Minions can do just about anything that a normal Hesperian can do, and much more, although they do have their drawbacks:
- Sassafras Minions are hyperactive little fellows. If you don't give them something to do, they tend to wander off and get into trouble.
- They don't cost very much IE Energy to summon from Hesperia, but be careful of how many you call forth - you may end up depleting more IE Energy than you can gather, and too many Minions in one area can actually compromise the gathering of IE Energy - they themselves don't have the ability to harvest IE Energy.
- Also, having too many Minions often causes them to fight over individual tasks, creating conflict. Just because they live to serve doesn't mean that they find some tasks more favorable than others. For this reason, up to six or eight Minions to a Hesperian is recommended.
- While Minions may favor some Hesperians over others, they will almost never choose to designate one Hesperian as their "master" (there have been exceptions to this, but they have all been close friendly relationships.) They choose to serve all of Hesperia, and you must keep that in mind when dealing with them. Friendly relationships with Minions are encouraged, though, but remember that they have lives of their own.
- There has been the rare case where a romantic relationship has taken place between a Sassafras and a Minion. In that case, the Minion is transformed into a Sassafras or vice versa so the union can be complete. However, this is extremely rare, and we have only documented 5 instances of such.
- Like with common Hesperians, Sassafras Minions come in many different shapes and colors, but generally, they tend to serve "masters" with a similar color and body style to them.
Hexen, the Disciple of the Hexagons
The hexagon disciple is known by many names. Non-Hesperians call him Hexen. We call him that informally, but we Hesperians also know him as "Caretaker", "He Who Is So Spicy", "Hexy Hexy Hexy", and "Spicey Hexen", among others. But "Hexen" suffices, whereas "Spicy Hexen" will also do if one wants to make fun of him. Hexen, while he proclaims that he is not a Hesperian, is unfortunately mistaken in his roots. He is a Hesperian because Lord Sassafras made it so when he absorbed Hexen's hexagon-ness (for lack of a better word) to take the form of what we know as the common Sassafras. Therefore, all Hesperians are descended from Hexen in a way, and while we may be completely different, in our minds, he is partially responsible for giving rise to the Hesperian League, and thus we consider him a Hesperian, not by blood, but by affiliation. My constant attempts to rein him in into the cause of Hesperia have all met with failure, mostly because the Imperials (I'm talking to you, meddling tanks) keep interrupting my discussions and negotiations with Hexen and his Paramarchs. Tying Hexen up under guard of the Legion is the only way I can get him to listen to me, see? And yes, he is very, very, very spicy. Spicier than anything that we know of. Even more so than the Spicyfras, who we have deemed is the spiciest among us. The other Hesperians say I'm spicier than Hexen, having been made in his image. Yes, I am quite the spicy one, but Spicyfras is spicier, and Hexen most of all.
- Sassafrexen isn't this humble and flattering in person. On second thought, he is, but not to this extent shown here. Additionally, the last section regarding Hexen seems to have been edited by someone else, namely the Spicyfras at the time. Sassafrexen isn't known to be this flattering toward Hexen, as it would be expected for him to have a more aggressive stance toward his non-Hesperian counterpart. Still, this is Sassafrexen we're talking about, so it's impossible to tell.
- Despite saying that he would explain how Hesperians "gather IE Energy so quickly and efficiently," Sassafrexen forgets (or neglects?) to entail the exact process of how IE Energy is gathered. For that, see its page.
- The 12 points of the Hesperian League's symbol are said to represent Lord Sassafras's eyes, despite him having only five. Five of them represent the eyes, six represent the six sides of a hexagon, and the last point represents the unity by which all Hesperians are known for.
- Vilcish is the in-universe name for the Spanish language, and it is present among a small group of beings in the Ominous Lowlands who have a somewhat Mexican-style lifestyle. It is also canon in the EToD that Julio Victoria (and of course Sassaprophet speaks and knows this language.
- Hesperia is also a city in California, named for the Greek god of the west, Hesperus. However, Rise of Hesperia is named for Sassafras hesperia, an extinct species of the Sassafras plant, the species of which (hesperia) in turn is named for... I actually can't find any information on this.
- Hesperia is also:
- the name of a small town in Michigan.
- an Italian actress.
- an asteroid, 69 Hesperia. Yes, 69 Hesperia (it's a minor planet designation) due to it being the 69th asteroid to be discovered.
- another name for Asterope, one of the Hesperides, the Greek nymphs of evening and sunset.
- Hesperia Planum, a region on Mars, as well as the Martian geological time period known as the Hesperian.
- a genus of butterfly.
- a peer-reviewed journal published quarterly by the American School of Classical Studies at Athens.
- a non-profit organization called Hesperian Health Guides, which publishes guides for trained and untrained people to take care of themselves and others.
- a Spanish hotel chain owned by the NH Hotel Group.
- a ship called the USS Hesperia, an Acubens-class general stores issue ship (supply ship) in service in World War II.
- Hesperia, or Hesperius, was the ancient Greek term for the Italian peninsula, and sometimes the Iberian peninsula and northwest Africa as well.
- Hesperia is also:
- Anything that is not in the Extended Tale of Diep but is Sassafras-related is still not part of the Rise of Hesperia DLC. This includes "Deleteofass."