This is it. Lord Sassafras is an Era Boss that spawns as the final boss of Lord Sassafras's Palace (duh) in the Realm of Sassafras, a "gamemode" which is another world in itself and is controlled by the Hesperian League.

His full title is His Sassajesty Lord Sassafras, Memelord, Sultan Of Sassafras Supremes, The One Of Yellow Eyes, The One Who Blabbers Under And OVER Hexen, The Bane of The Hexagon Disciple, The Embodiment Of Perpetual Irritation, The Spearhead Of Wasabi, The Ruler Of The Realm Of Sassafras, The King Of Cackling, He Who Was Raised By Ducks From A Young Age, The Guru of Gibberish, The Great Tan One, Sassa Club Chief, He With The Eyes In Hands, Commissioner of the Supreme Sassafras, Supreme High Overlord of His Sassajesty's Legions, Boss, The Ancestor of Legend, The Savior of Hesperians, Conqueror of the Tan Hexagons, The Primordial Gatherer of IE Energy, Eyezman, And Extraordinary Emperor Of All Things Sassafras of Hesperia.



A drawing of his Sassajesty, by Zathsu.

Lord Sassafras's body is a gargantuan tan hexagon that has several larger darker hexagons bordering him it. He has two identical arms and hands, each with four fingers and a thumb. His tan fingers end in Sassafras patterns for fingertips, and the hands themselves have a pattern that resemble Sassafras Supremes. Lord Sassafras's body has a giant "S" shield like that of Superman's on his forehead, a barely noticeable spawner on its bottom, and five eyes of increasing size towards the central one in a slightly upwards curving arc directly below the shield. Lord Sassafras has a giant and slightly maniacal smile below his giant magnificent mustache, which acts like the Poluxe Form Polygon Disciples' mouths as well, moving like it should when he says things. He also has a giant version of a Hesperian's standard-issue hat, which has two brown feather thingies instead of one and a yellow stripe. His hat is mainly brown with yellow eyes, and possesses independently moving mustaches. He also has gigantic wings that are partially "tansparent" (mind the pun) that extend out from both sides of his body, further adding to the Lord's spiciness.


Lord Sassafras's backstory can be found on the Sassa Club page, as it is much too long to put here and is better read in tandem with the reason for the creation of the Sassa Club. One thing that must be noted here, though, is that he harnesses the power of IE Energy to a great extent.



Lord Sassafras, with every current Hesperian who has art, even if their page hasn't been created yet. All of this is to scale.

First, Lord Sassafras is (primarily) NOT AI. Any time there is a Lord Sassafras's Palace event active, a developer is on hand to play him, voice acting and everything (more about that in the Quotes section.) The developer chooses which split phase to continue onto, what attack is chosen next, and Lord Sassafras's movement and intermittent attacking. However, the attacks are pre-programmed, and the developer has no control while Lord Sassafras is performing an attack. There is the exception of some attacks that are not pre-programmed, so in that case the developer will perform the attack live. Furthermore, they or another person will be voice-acting for Lord Sassafras.

To cover for the event of any interruptions on the part of the developer, if Lord Sassafras does not receive any user input for 10 seconds, the normal boss select AI takes over and chooses an attack that he will then perform. This cycle continues with 5-10 second pauses in between until user input is once more received. If an attack is in progress, the attack finishes before control returns to the developer.

Lord Sassafras is twice the size of Lauraceae, who in turn is twice the size of Sassafrexen. Due to his size, the closer players get to Lord Sassafras, their FOV will be drastically increased so they can at least see a third of him, with classes that get FOV boosts having additional FOV so they can see more of him than others.

It must be noted that Lord Sassafras's regeneration starts out at 6 HP per second, but can be increased depending on how many Sassafrases are in the arena. For every Sassafras minion present in the arena, it adds 0.05 HP/sec to that total. For every Sassafras present in the arena, it adds 0.5 HP/sec to that total. For every Sassafras Supreme present in the arena, it adds 1.2 HP/sec to that total. Additionally, every time a player dies to his hand directly, he heals himself for 300 HP. Otherwise, if they are killed through indirect means (his Sassafras, etc.) he heals 100 HP instead.

Lord Sassafras, upon contact, deals 55 body damage, rather surprising giving his size. He himself is not immune to body damage. Any players killed by Lord Sassafras will respawn in a designated spawn area in the arena, making it impossible to lose unless everyone somehow gives up, much like the Avatar of Panzer.

Lord Sassafras has multiple split phases, in which only one of the phases is actually used. They are usually minigames of some sort. Lord Sassafras's six smaller eyes to the sides of his face see in different areas of the light spectrum, ranging from radio waves to gamma rays.

The Fight

Phase 1: Attack Select I

At the beginning of Phase 1, Lord Sassafras says his (sometimes) ridiculously long intro monologue, lights swing out, the battlefield goes disco, and the battle begins.

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Lord Sassafras, by Text Wall.

  • Chatterstorm: Lord Sassafras starts saying random words in non-grammatically correct sentences, like this: "Box head left jump incoherent light zip Hat Druid." This actually does very low damage every second for 5 seconds in a large area around him (the soundwaves are visible) and inflicting Confused for 6 seconds.
  • Sassafras Storm: Lord Sassafras sprays ammunition, drones, and traps everywhere from his hands in various formations like the Archprophet's Last Hurrah, but much less dense. This lasts for 30 seconds.
  • Meme Beam: Lord Sassafras fires a yellow beam into a player from his central eye, which inflicts three random debuffs for 5 seconds, all while he is saying a quote.
  • Sassafrize: Lord Sassafras turns the 20 players nearest to him into Sassafrized tanks, with eyes and all. This also inflicts Dazed on them for the duration of the visual change, which is 20 seconds.
  • Spin Slam: Lord Sassafras puts his arms straight out, curls them into fists, and slams into players while spinning at a frightening speed. He deals high damage and knockback on contact, which, due to his size, is nigh-impossible to avoid. He has to charge this power-up, though, so 15 seconds' warning is given while his eyes start flashing white.

A sarfassaS.

  • sarfassaS: Lord Sassafras summons a group of six sarfassaS. sarfassaS look and behave like normal Sassafras, but instead have six eyes with proportionally giant yellow pupils on their turrets instead of one in the center of the body. Apart from that, they just say all their phrases backwards.
  • More Is Never Enough: Lord Sassafras locates the nearest Factory, and Sassafrizes it, making its minions normal-sized Sassafras that will attack everything nearby, saying their gibberish. The Factory itself will revert to being normal after 10 seconds. This attack is not often used, due to its ability to create up to six Sassafras at once.
  • POWER OF POLYFRAS: Lord Sassafras turns the nearest 20 polygons and Crashers (including those controlled by Hexen) into Sassafras minions.
  • HAW!: Lord Sassafras drops four Perpendiculus robots at his present location and moves out of the way. All they will do is "HAW" their heads off, and will not disappear until destroyed. Each robot has 5000 health.
  • I'm a top: Lord Sassafras puts his hands out, and starts spinning, but not like Spin Slam. He spins around clockwise, with his eyes spinning counterclockwise. All Sassafras, Sassafras Supremes, and Sassafrized bosses will stop what they are doing, and start spinning on their axes as well. This lasts for 10 seconds, and Lord Sassafras only will move around, knocking players everywhere for low damage.
  • Quack: Lord Sassafras releases an ear-splitting QUACK!!!, inflicting Confused on everyone in the arena for 3 seconds and inflicting medium damage.
  • Hats Off To Lord Sassafras: Lord Sassafras takes off his hat, creates a magic wand out of drones, taps the hat, and flips it upside down, shaking out 2-6 random Sassafrized EToD or ToD bosses.
  • How Do You Do: Lord Sassafras takes off his hat and swings it in a low arc while bowing. Contact with the hat deals heavy damage and knockback.
  • Lordic Punch: Lord Sassafras curls his right hand (always the right) into a fist, then punches it forward. Upon impact with anything, five Sassafrases are spawned by breaking off from Lord Sassafras's fingertips. He will regrow them right after.
  • Between My Friendly Eyes: Lord Sassafras fires tan laser bolts from between his eyes, from nothing at all. These beams go in every which direction, randomly aimed and moving erratically. They do low damage but have high penetration on impact.
Lord Sassafras Attack by Patrik

Lord Sassafras in the middle of the My Loyal Subjects attack.

  • How Do You Do: Lord Sassafras takes his hat off and bows, sweeping the hat in a low circle with long radius. The hat inflicts Poisoned for 5 seconds on contact and low damage.
  • My Loyal Subjects: Lord Sassafras summons quotes, two large Sassafrexens, two large Sassafrases, two large Sassafras Supremes, all which appear and disappear randomly, lasting about a second per appearance. Each hit they do to a tank does light to moderate damage.
  • BWA HEE HEE HA HA HAW: 4 lines of electric tiles, originating from the edge of the arena, meet up at Lord Sassafras and electrocute (but not damage) him for 20 seconds. He spins around like in I'm A Top while firing a hellstorm of electric bullets that inflict low damage and Paralyzed for 2 seconds while he is laughing maniacally.
  • Rocket Punch: Lord Sassafras forms his hands into fists and detaches them, causing them to fly around like rockets, mirroring the other's movements with Lord Sassafras as the line of symmetry. Contact with the fists inflicts high damage and knockback. Lasts for 12 seconds.
  • Sassaspaz: Lord Sassafras moves unpredictably in all directions, spins all his eyes like crazy, sprays bullets and traps everywhere, generally going berserk for 30 seconds.
  • His Lordship's Domination: Hundreds of tan targets shaped like ducks will dot the area around Lord Sassafras, as streams of rubber ducks land at each one. The streams are made of 5-10 ducks, and when a duck makes impact with the ground, it will be shot out in a random direction, doing moderate damage and inflicted Unfocused for 2 seconds. In a nutshell, each target will have a rapid burst of ducks falling from the sky then firing outward randomly.

Phase 2

Lord Sassafras actually has 3 Phase 2s, all entered at 87.5% health. Whichever one he chooses is random, but only one will be used per fight.

Phase 2A: Be Cool, Be Wild, and Be Groovy

The battlefield turns into this: [1]. The avalanche is replaced by Lord Sassafras, and Sonic is replaced by all the tanks and Hexen on snowboards. The music also switches to the one shown in the video (clearer version here: [2].)

Snowboarding is very simple: The snowboard accelerates towards the player's mouse pointer. It is possible to fire, but because of the controls, it makes it almost impossible to shoot the pursuing Lord Sassafras without being killed. If a player reaches a trick ramp, firing will make them perform a trick, which makes them go faster. The icicles hurt but can be shot down. The bomber planes are Mini-Sassafrexens that drop Sassafrized Phage Grenades on tanks. The Grenades explode into nothing. Neither the Sassafrexens nor the Grenades can be shot. Touching Lord Sassafras himself is an instant kill. If a tank bumps into anything, they lose speed. The whole terrain keeps the relative structure of the one shown in the video, but there are more bomber plane sections and more trick ramps. Hexen will also be snowboarding down, following a path identical to the one taken by Sonic in the video and will smash any icicles in the way. If a tank bumps into another tank, both tanks will lose speed and block each other depending on their position. If a tank bumps into Hexen, he will swing his sword at them and speed them up without hurting them by doing so. If they bump into Hexen from behind, the tank will speed around him when this happens. At the end of the terrain, there is a teleporter which heals tanks back to full HP and takes them back to the regular battlefield. The attack ends when Lord Sassafras reaches the bottom. Any players killed during this attack are returned to the regular battlefield to wait out the phase, which lasts for three minutes.

Phase 2B: Pong with the Hesperians

Lord Sassafras starts spinning as the arena is drawn into a black hole at the center. Everything is drawn into it, including Lord Sassafras. When players come out the other side, they find themselves in a dark arena with two Pong paddles on either side of it in a white center box. These paddles cycle between the colors of the rainbow. All players are then teleported into the massive box, where they must avoid a Sassafras that's acting as the Pong ball, with Lord Sassafras and Sassafrexen controlling the left and right paddles respectively. If a player is hit by the Sassafras, they are teleported back to the normal arena to wait out the phase. Players must fire at the Sassafras to veer it off course (it takes much more knockback from bullets than usual and doesn't move on its own.) If either Lord Sassafras or Sassafrexen fails to knock the Sassafras back with their paddle, it will hit them and damage Lord Sassafras, awarding the players one point. For the game to end, players must gain 15 points, or all players die. Every time Lord Sassafras is damaged, a five-to-ten second clip of Pong Krell from Star Wars: The Clone Wars will play in the upper right corner.

Phase 2C: The Arena and Air Hockey Tournament

Lord Sassafras groups players into pairs with each other, and a tournament bracket that can be zoomed in on appears at the top of the screen, with players' names in starting brackets. If there is an odd number of players, the last player will be tossed in somewhere. Players then are pitted against each other, first in a series of tank battles (best of 3). The next segment of the round has the players battling it out in an air hockey game, also best of 3 (first to 5 wins.) Each round lasts a maximum of 12 minutes for both minigames (the tank battle has a maximum of 90 seconds for each round). If players are marked as AFK by the game, they are disqualified and the other player will automatically move on. If players have not finished both games, the winner of the first will be chosen. If one player wins the duels and the other wins the air hockey game, then a final duel will be carried out to determine who gets to move on. This continues until all players have completed, then the cycle begins again. When there are 25 or fewer players left, Lord Sassafras will abruptly stop the tournament by using BWA HEE HEE HA, electrocuting all the players and entering Phase 3. Phase 2C is not chosen if there are 50 or fewer players fighting Lord Sassafras, which is impossible because he requires at least 100 players to fight him.

Phase 3: Attack Select II

When Lord Sassafras reaches 75% health, he enters Phase 3. Now, he spawns two Sassafras from his bottom spawner after every attack. There is a limit of 300 Sassafras that he can spawn with his spawner (it does not apply to those summoned in his attacks.) He has new attacks in addition to the old ones, listed below. These attacks are slightly more crazy and dangerous than those in Phase 1, and he can use those in addition to the ones listed below.

New Attacks

  • Summon - Sassafrasses!: Lord Sassafras summons 10-15 Sassafras and 3-5 Sassafras Supremes. They will rotate around him, saying their gibberish while doing Sassafras things. He will repeat this attack SIX TIMES if there are less than 5 Sassafras in the arena previously spawned by this attack, which includes its initial use...
  • Summon - Sassafrexen!: Lord Sassafras summons five Sassafrexen clones, and points toward Hexen, wherever the latter happens to be. The Sassafrexen will rush at Hexen, and Hexen will be obstructed by the Sassafrexen until he defeats them. It should be noted that the Sassafrexen clones summoned by this attack only have 5,000 HP.
  • Spicy WasSassafrabi: Wasabi peas fly out of a Realmbinder portal. Lord Sassafras gulps them up ('cause he loves wasabi peas). Suddenly, all of his bullets that he is currently firing and will fire for the next 10 seconds burst into green flames. Contact with these bullets inflicts Poisoned and Waterflame for 5 seconds. Lord Sassafras also becomes 15% faster for the duration of this attack.
  • And now for the weather: Lord Sassafras summons a cumulonimbus cloud above him (the kind that looks like a giant gray anvil.) It spawns several thunderbolts that strike players for medium area damage and inflicting Paralyzed for 3 seconds. Right after, he will use...
  • IT'S *BLEEEP*ING COLD!: Lord Sassafras makes hail rain down from the cloud. Hail deals no damage, but it piles up over time and eventually melts, making movement difficult and slippery for about 45 seconds afterwards.
  • nice.: All current summoned Sassafrases and Sassafras Supremes will start saying "nice" quietly for the next 10 seconds. Purely aesthetic.
  • Fidget-Blade: Lord Sassafras takes a Sassafrized Deltrablade (or summons one in, if there isn't one already in the arena), holds it in his hand, and spins it like a fidget spinner. The Deltrablade is now a buzzsaw. There is a 10% chance for it to also happen to a Sassafrized Poluxe Form Trites.
  • SPICE, SPICE, SASSAFREXEN!: Lord Sassafras summons a Sassafrexen, but with a red gradient at the top of its hexagons. Lord Sassafras then eats the Sassafrexen and then lets out gigantic jets of fire from all of his main body eyes for 1 minute. The fire inflicts Burning for as long as players are in contact with it and 3 seconds afterward.
  • SASSAFRAZZLE: Lord Sassafras swings his arms in random directions, firing green laser beams that intensify the longer their distance is from their source. Each laser originates from one fingertip and deals increasing damage as the attack continues. If a player dies to a Sassafrazle beam, a Sassafrized copy of them will spawn at their death location. The attack lasts 10 seconds, with damage increasing by 20% every second until it reaches 3x damage by the end. He will sweep his arms around randomly as this happens.
  • Nonsensical Sense: Lord Sassafras inflicts every player with a random buff or debuff for 5 seconds.
  • The Floor Is Lava: Lord Sassafras moves all normal Sassafras to the bottom of the arena, and they form a dense line that steadily moves up. They will not stop until they are within 100 tiles of Lord Sassafras. They will still attack and deal body damage if touched, but destroying at least 5 of them will break the line and cause the attack to end prematurely.
  • OH, HEXEN IS REALLY SPICY: Lord Sassafras yells something about Hexen being spicy (not necessarily the name of this attack, it can be a variation on it) and turns all the floor tiles hexagon green, then rapidly turning them back to tan from where Hexen is. Hexen and anyone else close enough to him will receive Burned, Blinded, and Paralyzed for five seconds.
  • Praise the Lord Sassafras: All current Sassafras Supremes and Sassafras will return to Lord Sassafras and start orbiting around him. After ten seconds, they will all explode into Sassafras minions (10 for normal Sassafras, 50 for Sassafras Supremes) and Lord Sassafras restores health equal to 1000n+5000p, where n is the number of Sassafras and p is the number of Sassafras Supremes. Basically, he sacrifices Sassafrasses for health, much like how Hendre'ka eats Crashers for health or extra attack power.
  • Swords of Sassafras: Lord Sassafras grabs 8 Sassafras with each of his hands (if there aren't already at least 16 Sassafrases available, he will spawn more from his spawner) and condenses them into Sassafrized versions of Poluxe Form Hexen's XG-Swiper 2000, with Sassafras eyes where all the hexagons are and tan instead of hexagon green. He then performs three sword attacks from Trites, Hexen, or Ennealis, then throws them out and to the sides, where they fly back in, hitting players along the way for medium damage. Upon returning to Lord Sassafras's hands, he crumples them back into 16 Sassafras.
  • Savior of All Sassafras: Lord Sassafras calls all Sassafras (normal ones) to him, and they spin around him while orbiting him, chanting "OH WE PRAISE YOU, ALMIGHTY LORD SASSAFRAS" as they spray ammunition everywhere. Lasts for 15 seconds.
  • Wasabi Wave: Lord Sassafras opens another Realmbinder portal, and a giant glob of wasabi falls out and washes through the arena at a short to medium range. It will eventually disappear, but any tanks hit will receive Burning and Paralyzed for 5 seconds. If Hexen gets hit, he will heal to full health but receive Slowed for 20 seconds.
  • He Who Laughs in the Towel: Lord Sassafras summons a Sassafrized Archprophet that rampages for five minutes (unless killed sooner, but that's highly unlikely because the spawned Archprophet has the health of the normal Archprophet), using every attack that the Archprophet uses, just with Sassafras-like modifications.
  • Sassafrafro: Lord Sassafras gains a gigantic afro for 20 seconds. After 20 seconds, it will disappear, but during that time, contact with it will inflict Paralyzed for 4 seconds.
  • Sassafrigityfrag: The Sassafras Supremes making up his hands fly off of his arms (fingers included), spinning around him before flashing red three times and exploding into five massive rings of bullets of different sizes at different speeds. The outer rings are made of fast and small bullets, progressively getting larger and slower, but also more damaging as the rings become more inner. His hands then regrow like balloons from his arms five seconds later.
  • Race Runner: Lord Sassafras summons two Sassafrized Sliders, two Sassafrized Blazing Boosters, two Sassafrized Flying Horsemen (EToD Son of Panzer version of the Winged Hussar), and two Sassafrized Overdrives. They will initially orbit around him at insane speeds, then Lord Sassafras will direct them to run circles around players while chanting "Sanic, Sanic, Sanic Fast!" over and over. Lord Sassafras will resume attacking after giving his attack command.
  • BELIEVE IN THE PEEKO: Lord Sassafras fires erratic blasts of water from both hands, inflicting medium damage, Broken, and Waterflame for 5 seconds to anyone hit.

Phase 4

Phase 4, at 62.5% health, follows the same phase selection mechanic as Phase 2. In this phase, he stops spawning Sassafras from his spawner from every attack (any summoned Hesperians remain until they are destroyed if going into 4A, otherwise, if it is 4B, they will disappear and respawn starting in Phase 5.)

Phase 4A: Boss Medley, Sassafras Style

Lord Sassafras summons any boss with 700,000 health or less in its respective Sassafrized form with half its usual health. He repeats this until there are 20 bosses total, 20 being the limit of how many can be active at one time. There can be duplicates of a boss, and Sassafras and Sassafras Supreme are not summoned by this attack because of the redundancy it would create. If a boss is defeated, Lord Sassafras will summon another to replace it. In the meantime, he stops using his own attacks, and instead uses Metronome for the duration of this phase.

  • Metronome: Lord Sassafras can call upon almost any attack used by any boss in the ToD and the EToD, whether polygon or tank-based. His Battleship drones (originating from his Sassafras Supreme hand spawners) will form into any weapons he needs to perform the attacks, and they will solidify and form with the help of IE Energy into a perfect copy of said weapons or armaments. In the case of body-mounted weapons, he creates them, then sticks them somewhere on his face with his hands. They will vanish once he is finished. He can use any attack, as long as it doesn't involve self-destructing, phase shifting, body changing, or requires a certain health limit.

The only way to advance is to deal damage to Lord Sassafras, enough so that he will enter Phase 5 at 50% health. Killing the summoned bosses and their minions will award EXP.

Phase 4B: Let the Game(mode)s Begin

Lord Sassafras uses Swords of Sassafras to cut up the arena into little shreds. Once that has happened, there are three options:

  • Everyone is transported to a Tower of Gladii copy, except everything is Sassafras-themed and all enemies are replaced with Legionnaires. The first boss is replaced with a Sassafras Supreme, the second with a random Sassafrized Polygon Disciple, and instead of the Archprophet as a final boss, players will find Lord Sassafras sitting on the throne. When all players have reached Lord Sassafras, he will say something, snap his fingers, and cause the arena to dissolve into nothingness.
  • Players are transported to a Hesperian copy of Mad Science or The Archprophet's Vault. If it is Mad Science, everything is Sassafrized. If it is the Archprophet's Vault, it's also Sassafrized. All enemies are Sassafrized versions of themselves. Instead of the War Machine II, it's... fifty Sassafras having dinner, which players will be unable to fight and just have to move on. The final boss of both gamemodes will be a random Legion Commander.

After the defeat of the final boss of the selected gamemode, Phase 5 begins in the normal arena with Lord Sassafras drained of 12.5% health due to an overuse of IE Energy (in the meantime, he took a nap.)

Phase 5: Attack Select III

Phase 5, at 50% health, is where Lord Sassafras starts pushing the limits of the Realm of Sassafras, drawing upon IE Energy to create all sorts of attacks meme and/or meme-related. He also resumes the spawning of 2 Sassafras after every attack, and he also has access to all attacks in Phases 1 and 3. The Sassafras spawning will stop for Phase 6, then resume in Phase 7.

New Attacks

  • BELI DESTROY TOY!: Lord Sassafras summons a Sassafrized Belisarius. For note, anything blue on Beli is now tan, and in place of the glowing white eyes, there are glowing yellow Sassafras eyes instead. Then, Lord Sassafras snaps his fingers, and it grows to twice its size. Lord Sassafras moves back, becomes Invincible, and waits for the players to defeat the Sassafrized Beli. It will move around, using Beli's attacks (which at the time of this writing, has not even been done yet, curse you Zathsu) and shout "BELI DESTROY TOY! BELI DESTROY TOY!" constantly. It has 50,000 health, and will likely go down in 20 seconds with the massive amount of players fighting.
  • FUN FUN FUN FUN: Lord Sassafras gains Frenzy for one minute. He will chant "FUN" endlessly as he runs around, swatting at tanks, throwing them up in the air, smiling a big smile while he jumps and squashes them, rolling several into a ball and tossing them at their allies, etc.
  • And his name is JOHN CENA: Lord Sassafras performs John Cena's signature "You can't see me" taunt and turns invisible for 3 minutes. During these 3 minutes, he will continue to use attacks like normal, but it is impossible to tell what attacks are being used because of his invisibility. When the invisibility ends, the first thing Lord Sassafras does is raise his hands upwards quickly while making two "OK" hand signs. Anything hit by the hands (including other Sassafras and Sassafrized bosses) will be inflicted with insane knockback. The BGM also turns into this for the duration of the attack: [3]
  • I LIKE TRAINS: Lord Sassafras opens two Realmbinder portals opposite each other on his horizontal axis and moves out of the way. Five seconds later, a train horn sounds, train tracks come out of nowhere; and suddenly, a diesel locomotive pulling about 80 cars barrels in and out of the arena. Anyone that comes in contact with the train is dealt fatal damage and extreme knockback.
  • Sassarific Park: Lord Sassafras opens ten Realmbinder portals randomly around the arena. 10 dinosaurs (only well-known ones, like Tyrannosaurus rex, Triceratops, and Velociraptor, duplicates possible) run into the arena as the portals close. These dinosaurs are real-world textured, but are Sassafras tan with gradient and have Sassafras eyes over where their normal eyes would be. Regardless of type, they have 500 health and deal medium damage and inflict low knockback on contact.
  • much doge: Lord Sassafras summons a Doge image, which takes up 30% of the screen in a random spot and spams rainbow colored Doge style text. Lasts for 10 seconds.
  • IMAGE DUMP: Lord Sassafras does the same thing as SASSADISTRACTION, but instead dumps random image files of the games, from effects to bosses, to parts of bosses, and even overworld things. Lasts for 10 seconds.
  • AND THEN ALONG CAME SASS!: Summons a solid wall of Sassafrases and Sassafras Supremes and they completely block anyone from seeing Lord Sassafras at all. Then, Lord Sassafras pushes away some of the Sassafrases and Sassafras Supremes and summons a large amount of Sassafras to form a lightning bolt shape. He then hurls the lightning bolt at tanks, doing massive damage and having a 40% change inflicting a random debuff. Upon impact, the lightning bolt shatters into 30 Sassafrases. When he pushes away the wall of Sassafras, voices in the background can be heard saying "AND THEN ALONG CAME SASS!" For reference: [4] (skip to 1:16 to get what it looks like.)
  • And then the Winged Sassafrases arrived!: Summons a line of Sassafras Supreme minions with Winged Hussar weapons, then them all charge at once. There is a 5% chance that the Sassafras Hussars will dodge all the tanks, in which case Lord Sassafras will facepalm, causing a big shockwave expanding from the impact zone that does medium damage inflicts medium knockback on all players.
  • This Is Gonna Hurt A Lot!: Lord Sassafras creates a copy of Titanititan's right leg (Vanadus) and makes it large enough for Lord Sassafras to wield it as a baseball bat. He will whack tanks with it repeatedly for up to a minute, all while chanting "THIS IS GONNA HURT A LOT!" over and over again.
  • I'M OVER 9000: Lord Sassafras directs 25 Sassafras Minions into a formation that looks like the number 9000. He will then jump on the minions, causing them to explode into exactly 9025 Vulcan bullets (361 bullets each.) The bullets are very slow-moving and disappear very quickly, but their density almost guarantees death on contact.
  • HEEEEREEE'S SASSSAFRASSY!: Lord Sassafras pulls out a chainsaw and cuts five Sassafras in half, turning them into 10 Sassafrized Trapperzoids. He will then proceed to go on a rampage with the chainsaw, laughing maniacally and swinging it around with Frenzy for 30 seconds.
  • Maple Syrup: Lord Sassafras will spawn 50 Invincible Sassafrized versions of Maple, which only use the Heal attack on Sassafras-related enemies, excluding Lord Sassafras himself. The Maples transform into Sassafras Minions of the three-eyed hat variety after 120 seconds have elapsed and are no longer Invincible.
  • I AM NUMBER ONE: Lord Sassafras summons SIXTEEN non-Sassafrized We Are Number One. Since they will probably get melted almost immediately because of their low health and the masses of players fighting Lord Sassafras, Lord Sassafras will continually summon more to keep the total at sixteen if any are destroyed. This lasts for 120 seconds.
  • Peeper on a Sweeper: Lord Sassafras summons ten Sassafrized Batteries, and sticks this: [5] onto the Batteries, which then spin around and smash into players while firing their weapons.
  • THE POWER OF MOOSIC: Lord Sassafras changes the music to another boss's theme for five seconds, changes it back to his theme, then does it again, either rapidly switching between two or playing with the volume control to make it ear rape or silence.
  • I Know De Wey: Lord Sassafras's eyes turn into pictures of Ugandan Knuckles as he extends his arms to three times their length, pointing in random directions rapidly, knocking players around like ping-pong balls for high knockback and damage. Lasts for 8 seconds.

Phase 6: Battle of Legends

At 37.5% health, Lord Sassafras enters Phase 6. He snaps his fingers, and the arena turns into a boxing ring, complete with dark area and spotlights. Hexen finds himself in the ring against the towering Lord Sassafras, and the players and Hesperians are spectators on opposite sides of the spectator area, fenced off from each other. Lord Sassafras shrinks to about the size of Decratite and goes head-to-head with Hexen with Decratite's stats and his own Phases 1, 3, and 5 attack selection. Hexen immediately transforms into Poluxe Form to gain extra power and HP (he is not initially in Poluxe Form in the Lord Sassafras's Palace event.) Hexen is temporarily not AI only for this phase, as a player chosen by the developer will temporarily take over during the fight, and have an interface with auto-perform attacks similar to the developer's. The rest of the players can intervene by taking turns pressing one of a number buttons on a control panel every 8 seconds:

  • The red button drops cake on Lord Sassafras or Hexen or both of them (usually Lord Sassafras, vice versa for the Hesperian console), slowing the victim's movement to a standstill, rendering them immobile. The other can then attack for 30 seconds unhindered, then the cake will disappear and the battle continues. If both are immobilized, then they will just look at each other in silence until the cake disappears. Other buttons cannot be pressed during this time, and it has a cooldown of 60 seconds.
  • The green button opens a portal to somewhere in the Realm, dumping out 20 Realm Enemies who will attack Lord Sassafras. This button has a cooldown of 30 seconds.
  • The blue button teleports 10 players into the ring to help Hexen. This has a cooldown of 40 seconds.
  • The yellow button gives Hexen an Obliterator Staff for the rest of the ring fight (and the rest of the battle overall) and will explode upon its use (the button, not the staff.) Thus, it is recommended to press this button first before anything else.
  • The tan button plays a 10-second snippet of the Sassafras theme while summoning 14 Sassafras minions who act as cheerleaders on the sides.
  • The purple button causes Hexen to gain Frenzy for 5 seconds, plus a random buff.

The Hesperian spectators have a button console as well (this is controlled by RNG), and they have mostly the same functions, the differences being that the blue button summons 10 Legionnaires with the same cooldown, and the yellow button giving Lord Sassafras the Archprophet's Mug (allowing him to use the Archprophet's mug-related attacks).

Regardless, the battle can go either way (and all of Hexen's phases will activate, including his near-death sequence), but no matter who triumphs, once either reaches 0 HP, Lord Sassafras will snap his fingers again. The arena and Hexen will return to being normal, and the battle resumes into Phase 7.

Phase S: S Is for Shiny

Phase S is a secret phase that only occurs if players found the Unusually Shiny Hesperian Artifact in the underground area of the Erebean Descent, an area of the Realm added in the Extended Tale of Diep, bordering Shattered Coast and the Neverest Mountains to the south. Said artifact must have been brought to the Realm of Sassafras by the player who found it and put on a pedestal outside of the entrance to Lord Sassafras's Palace. If so, then Phase S will occur in between Phases 6 and 7 in the next battle with Lord Sassafras after the artifact has been returned to its pedestal.

If the Unusually Shiny Hesperian Artifact was obtained as a drop from the ERKPEOPHET, it will not spawn in the Erebean Descent if that artifact was placed first and vice versa.

Lord Sassafras turns a shiny, shiny, gold, and becomes Invincible as he transforms into a giant gold statue version of himself, which remains stationary for the duration of this phase. The "Shiny" theme without lyrics will then proceed to play, as 600 Tier 1 and 2 Grappler Legionnaires appear from all sides to swarm players. Since players just respawn in the room, there is no way to die and lose the fight in this phase. Every once in a while, one of these events has a chance to happen:

  • "Shiny" stops playing and is replaced with its corresponding version with lyrics in Spanish, Italian, German, or some other language other than English. Afterward, the English version plays at 0.5x speed.
  • Tamatoa, the Legion Commander, is summoned in to fight. If so, then the theme will speed up by 25%.
  • The Grappler Legionnaires stop attacking, become Invincible, and start singing "Shiny" in extremely high-pitched voices akin to those of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Players cannot do anything except suffer and wait until the singing stops.
  • The eyes on statue Lord Sassafras flash as gold coins start falling from the sky, filling up the arena. This is a purely visual effect.
  • Hexen turns a gold color. When this happens, any nearby Sassafras will swarm him, distracting him. When he defeats the Sassafras, he will return to being hexagon green.
  • Spicyfras will open the door to the Hall of Sass with a message for Lord Sassafras, but quickly close the door when he sees the state of the room. Any players lucky enough to be near the entrance doors and witness this will earn a secret achievement.
  • 24 Gold Sassafras are summoned in to do battle. When this happens, the music will switch back and forth (with lyrics) between different languages randomly for 2 minutes.

This phase lasts for 10 minutes, or when all Legionnaires have been destroyed. When that happens, Lord Sassafras will return to normal and clear the arena of gold by vacuuming it up with a giant gulp of his mouth.

Phase 7: Attack Select IV

When Lord Sassafras enters Phase 7 at 25% health, he gains access to Metronome, all the attacks in this section, and Phases 1, 3, and 5. He also resumes spawning Sassafras after every attack, with 3 instead of 2, as was previously. The attacks in Phase 7 are the most ridiculous of all, substantially stretching (and sometimes breaking) the arena, the laws of physics, and players' sanity.

New Attacks

  • Metronome: Lord Sassafras can call upon almost any attack used by any boss in the ToD and the EToD, whether polygon or tank-based. His Battleship drones (originating from his Sassafras Supreme hand spawners) will form into any weapons he needs to perform the attacks, and they will solidify and form with the help of IE Energy into a perfect copy of said weapons or armaments. In the case of body-mounted weapons, he creates them, then sticks them somewhere on his face with his hands. They will vanish once he is finished. He can use any attack, as long as it doesn't involve self-destructing, phase shifting, body changing, or requires a certain health limit.
  • WE ARE NUMBER ONE!: Lord Sassafras summons 10 sets of We Are Number One, as the theme without lyrics starts playing. He then resumes attacking. Once all of the Robbie Rottens are defeated, then the music will return to normal.
  • SHINY, SASSAFRAS STYLE: Lord Sassafras's tan turns to shiny, shiny gold, and so does anything tan on all Sassafrized entities. The BGM turns into "Shiny" (the version with lyrics, not the BGM used in Phase 4) and for the duration of Shiny, Lord Sassafras will take 75% less damage. He will proceed to reenact the whole Shiny scene, in which Maui is Hexen (whom he will grab to accomplish that.) He, along with every single Sassafrized boss, will also sing along at an ear-raping volume.
  • Mustache Mash: Lord Sassafras's mustache suddenly extends, and one hooks Hexen like a tentacle no matter where he is in the arena, while the other starts tickling him. After 10 seconds of Hexen resisting and trying not to laugh, Lord Sassafras will brutally slam Hexen into the ground, inflicting Dazed on Hexen for 50 seconds. Hexen will automatically go into his half health restoration sequence for that 50 seconds plus how much health needs to be restored, as the slam deals 5000 damage to Hexen and near-fatal damage to any players near Hexen, and instantly kills any players that are squashed by Hexen falling into the ground. Additionally, upon impact, Hexen leaves a sizable crater as Lord Sassafras's mustache returns to normal.
  • SASSAFRASAVONIO: Lord Sassafras changes the music to a Sassafrized version of this: [6] He sings along with the "music" and is still attacking while singing. Also, when it loops once, it turns into a MIDI version, which is even worse: [7]
  • Maxed Mirrored Clone: Lord Sassafras clones every Sassafras entity on the screen, up to a limit of 100 Clones (only including Sassafras and Sassafras Supremes). All the clones have 1 HP, but the full strength of the originals. Clones cannot be Cloned.
  • I AM HE WHO WAS RAISED BY DUCKS: Lord Sassafras uses his "QUACK" attack over and over, but only with the sound effect, having no effect and dealing no damage apart from being obnoxiously loud and annoying (isn't that what he's supposed to do?)
  • LITERAL Sassa Club: Lord Sassafras summons the nine members of the Sassa Club (including Heptone and Novementha), and mashes them together into a club (the weapon). He swings it around for 5 seconds to hit players for medium damage, then throws it up into the air, where it separates into nine individuals again, who need to be destroyed normally. Only used three times in one fight, and the second time he is fought and afterwards.
  • INFINITE CHIPS!: Lord Sassafras throws an Infinity Ring at a player. If it misses, he will summon a mirror to bounce it back. Once the Ring hits, that player will suddenly start being filled with insanely fast endless chips that do low damage and spawn out of where the Ring was before it collided with that player. That player gradually becomes bigger and more immobile, as they are gradually hit with more and more chips. The chip filling continues until they die. Once the player dies, Lord Sassafras uses a mirror to redirect the chip flow towards Hexen, and he is hit with a chip. If that happens, he will take all the remaining chips flying out of the portal and become unable to move and really big for 30 seconds, during which the effect will gradually wear off. Also, the chips look like regular potato crisps. They shatter into many pieces immediately when shot, but there are too many of them to block. If hit by a piece, that player will take 1 damage and also become 1% fatter.
  • Zathsu's Revenge: Lord Sassafras puts his hands out to the side, and fires five beams made of Zathsu's cat profile pictures at any Destroyers, Hybrids, Triplets, or Vulcans. The first four hold the tank(s) in place, but only the center beam deals high damage.
  • Master of Code: Lord Sassafras becomes Invincible, summons a book labeled "Codes & Scripts for Tale of Diep and Extended Tale of Diep", and reads it for 10 seconds. Then he turns the book upside down and shakes it, shaking out a huge heap of random code. When the codes hit the ground, they turn into random sprites of tanks, bosses or enemies. They do what they are supposed to do when attached to the legitimate entity in the game; Barrels shoot, Drone spawners spawn drones, a boss sprite will behave like what the boss does, etc.
  • Sassy Breath: Lord Sassafras opens his mouth and a stream of images of memes, Sassafras minions, Sassafrized bosses, and quotes pours out. Each hit on contact with this meme wave does low damage, but it quickly adds up. Lasts for 8 seconds. The bosses are not actual bosses, they are just images. The memes are in a fairly wide spread away from the central angle like a Sprayer's firing pattern, but with an even greater loss of accuracy. However, the meme stream is so dense that it doesn't really matter the spread.
  • SASSAFRAS BEEG, SASSAFRAS SMOL: Lord Sassafras shrinks to 1/10ths of his size, then suddenly expands to twice his normal size, inflicting medium-high damage and insane knockback to anyone hit.
  • MEMELORD SUPREME BEAMS: All of Lord Sassafras's hand-mounted weapons start firing memes that do medium-low damage and inflict Slowed for 5 seconds on contact, like Sassy Breath but in beams instead of a spread. He also fires memes from all of his eyes, including the ones on his hands and fingers, but these do not inflict Slowed and do medium damage instead of low. All beams inflict insane knockback on contact, sending players bouncing back and forth between the beams until they get flung far away (touching other beams does no damage after the initial bounce, it is just an irritation thing.) This attack is very rarely used, but when it is, it lasts for 12 seconds.
  • Discoteche: Lord Sassafras takes off his hat, summons a magic wand and twirls it around over the hat, and pulls out 15 non-Sassafrized Disco-Ramas. The battlefield will go disco until all Disco-Ramas are destroyed, and the music will go disco-style as well until the same goal has been reached.
  • SASSAFRAS, SASSAFRAS, SASSAFRAS, SASSAFRAS... SASSAFRAS: Lord Sassafras spreads his arms out wide, and starts summoning a seemingly endless stream of Sassafras minions from his bottom spawner. The total of Sassafras minions spawned is 400. Additionally, this attack is rarely used, and 1 in 20 Sassafras minions has a chance to be a normal Sassafras.
  • Sassafrasception: Lord Sassafras uses his previous attack but with 20% more everything.
  • SASSADISTRACTION: Lord Sassafras covers part of approximately 40% of the players' screens who are fighting him with large, obnoxious memes, which play loud music, block tanks' FoV, inflict random debuffs, and otherwise distract tanks. This lasts for 10 seconds, and Lord Sassafras is still attacking.
  • The Perpahedron™: Lord Sassafras summons The Perpahedron from the sky, which is basically a static 3-D Perpendiculus that crashes into the ground, HAWing its head off until the battle ends or it is destroyed, and then some. Only used once.

Phase 8: The Lord's Legion

Despite being at 12.5% health upon entry into Phase 8, Lord Sassafras is nowhere near desperate. Instead, he becomes Invincible, and in a show of force, he summons 400 Legionnaires, each of a random tier and class, moving them into a marching formation and commanding them to create various shapes and formations, from marching a square, to circle, to hexagon, to the shape of a Sassafras, to stars with various numbers of points moving in and out. After 2 minutes, the Legionnaires will suddenly break ranks and rush the players to attack. For each of the next 400 Legionnaires defeated, 2 more will spawn from a portal to replace them until 1200 Legionnaires have been defeated. When that happens, all the Legion Commanders will spawn with 10 Tier 4 Legionnaires of their class each, and they must be dealt with. At the same time, Lord Sassafras will resume attacking like he did in Phase 7 while the Legionnaires have to be dealt with, but summoning 4 Sassafras after every attack instead of 3. He is also moving 50% faster and has 1744.3835% more spiciness.

Every once in a while, Lord Sassafras will perform one of these new attacks as well (he has access to his Phase 7 ones, too):

  • Spicy Uppercut: One of Lord Sassafras's hands becomes engulfed in green fire, and he punches it forward, inflicting Spiced and Burned for 3 seconds in a large area as well as medium damage.
  • Supremely Spicy Sassafras: Lord Sassafras summons a wasabi-green Sassafras Supreme that goes right after Hexen. It has 500% increased reload, making it almost impossible to penetrate its traps and bullets.
  • I was raised by INFLATABLES: Lord Sassafras blows up a giant rubber duck in front of him until it's slightly larger than himself, pushing anything and everything away from it. He pops the duck, giving every Hesperian in the arena Frenzy for 30 seconds, including himself.
  • Lord Sassafras's Special Sauce: Lord Sassafras uses Infinity Chips!, but with the chips dipped in a concoction that inflicts Confused, Cursed, Spiced, Weakened, and Bloated for 10 seconds.
  • Six Sides I Have: Lord Sassafras warps the arena into a hexagon shape, then slowly makes it smaller until everything can barely fit. He then expands it back to its normal size. This attack is only used up to 3 times.
  • For the Glory of Hesperia: Lord Sassafras's eyes shine white as he is surrounded with the glowing symbol of the Hesperian League. He then pulls off his hat to reveal yet another hat with about 20 eyes all over it that fire short but powerful pulse lasers in every which direction. This attack lasts for 20 seconds.
  • Operafras: Lord Sassasfras summons 12 Opera Sassafras, which are Sassafras who have Viking helmets and sing very, very loudly.
  • Delta Strike: Lord Sassafras's eyes get green triangles around them as he fires illuminati beams at all players, dealing medium damage.
  • 20% Off Sale on Sassafras: Lord Sassafras summons 20 assorted Sassafras ranging from Spicy Sassafras to Minifras to Fallen Sassafras, with 80% of their usual health.
  • Sassafrassassination: Lord Sassafras points at the player who has done the most damage in their current lifetime to him, and a target appears over them as every Hesperian stops what they're doing and targets that one player until they are dead.
  • Intestine Steal: Lord Sassafras steals 20 players' intestines, causing them to get afflicted with every buff and debuff in the game (including Environmental Modifiers) for 5 seconds. He will gain every buff, but only for 2 seconds at a time and at random intervals of at least 15 seconds within the next 90 seconds.
  • The Periodic Table: Lord Sassafras sings the Periodic Table Song. [8] At the end of the song, 10 Oganessons spawn.
  • Magnitude: Lord Sassafras punches the ground, dealing scaling damage. The base damage for this attack is set at a meager 1 HP. However, the Magnitude Multiplier - a giant wheel that Lord Sassafras spins before smashing the floor - determines the power of this attack. It is a gigantic roulette wheel with the numbers -100 to 100 on it, with 201 slices total. Whatever Lord Sassafras rolls, he will take 10 to the power of that number and deal that damage in the area that he smashes the ground in. As such, he is capable of dealing as much as 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 HP's worth of damage (one googol), or even as little as 10^-100 damage, which will automatically round itself down to zero. Basically, 49.5% chance to OHKO players hit by it, 49.5% chance to do almost nothing, and 1% chance to deal heavy, but survivable damage.
  • THE OWAUERKPEIYOUEFHYEEAT: Lord Sassafras summons the ERKPEOPHET, except it's as big as him and constantly changes color with psychedelic effect, going through its random AI behavior and exploding after five minutes as usual if not defeated. Used only once.

Once all Legionnaires have been defeated, Lord Sassafras looks upwards. His hat's eyes look down at him, raises an eyebrow, jumps off and grows arms, and Phase 9 begins!

Phase 9: Lord Sassahat!

In Phase 9, Lord Sassafras's hat comes alive, proclaiming himself to be Lord Sassahat of Hesperia. Turns out Half 'n Hat and DJ Hatte aren't the only sentient hats given life by the Lord!

To finish off the battle, damage Lord Sassahat, not Lord Sassafras, to 0 HP. Lord Sassafras is Invincible and keeps on attacking, but can't use any hat-related attacks due to Lord Sassahat being on the field. Lord Sassahat has his own attack select below.

Phase 9.1

  • Join Me In Battle, Fellow Headwear: Lord Sassahat summons Half 'n Hat and DJ Hatte into the battle, each with half of his health, or 6.25% of Lord Sassafras's HP. Lord Sassahat is Invincible until both of the other sentient hats have been defeated.
  • Mug Splash: Lord Sassahat fills his mug with IE Energy drink, and splashes it in a wide arc, giving all players Frenzy and Unfocused for 30 seconds. He then drinks what's left of it, giving himself Frenzy and Armored for 45 seconds.
  • Hats off to ME: Lord Sassahat jumps onto Lord Sassafras's head, and throws hats onto 20-50 Hesperians, giving them all Armored for 30 seconds.
  • Hat Burst: Lord Sassahat claps his hands, firing lasers from his eyes that sweep around randomly and deal high damage on contact.
  • Doublehatter: Lord Sassahat splits into two clones half the size of himself that share a health pool. He then performs one attack doubled before returning to normal.
  • Mad Hatter: Lord Sassahat jumps upwards to reveal a Sassafrized Mad Hatter underneath. Well, actually, 20 Mad Hatters that rampage everywhere.
  • Sassa Smat: Lord Sassahat stacks himself on top of DJ Hatte, who in turn stacks herself onto Half 'n Hat. Lord Sassahat takes a sip, and all players receive Stunned for 1 second as Lord Sassafras goes invisible and appears underneath Half 'n Hat, using Sassaspaz.
  • Hat Flap: Lord Sassahat opens his top as tens of missiles fly out and lock onto random locations in the arena, dealing medium area damage if players are hit by them.
  • Hat Mat: Lord Sassahat flattens himself and teleports underneath a group of players before popping back up, knocking them into the air for medium damage.
  • Switcheroo: Lord Sassahat switches places with one of the other two hats. If neither of the other two are alive, he switches places with a Hesperian instead (not Lord Sassafras.)
  • Hesperian Headwear: Lord Sassahat jumps onto a Sassafras Supreme, completely covering before spraying lasers made of bullets from his eyes everywhere while the Sassafras Supreme underneath jumps around aimlessly, trying to get the massive intruder off of it.

Phase 9.2

In Phase 9.2 and at 45% of his health, Lord Sassahat jumps on top of Lord Sassafras again, remaining there for the rest of the battle, but still attacking. Hitting Lord Sassafras now damages Lord Sassahat, and a few new attacks come into play that both Lord Sassafras and Lord Sassahat share. Other than that, this phase is the easiest of Lord Sassahat's fight because of the now-massive area that he takes damage from.

  • Two Lords, One Sass: Lord Sassafras grabs Lord Sassahat and flings him to cover the largest group of players, dealing massive damage and Sassafrizing all those players for the remainder of the battle. Frequently used, so more often than not, at least 50% of players at the end of the battle will be temporarily Sassafrized.
  • Spice Overload: Lord Sassafras jiggles around as Lord Sassahat blasts off from his head, spreading barrels of chili peppers out from underneath that fall off of Lord Sassafras's head, spilling everywhere and giving all players Spiced for 5 seconds as well as reducing movement control.
  • Lord Wave: Lord Sassahat copies himself into miniature copies of hats onto all Hesperians' heads. When this happens, all of them start singing and dancing, dealing high damage to all players and inflicting Confused for 15 seconds.
  • Semper Tultum: Lord Sassahat glows brightly as Lord Sassafras jumps into the air, and does a backflip. A massive shadow rapidly increasing in size is shown where he will land. Any players still in that area after 8 seconds have passed will instantly die. The ground also shakes like crazy after Lord Sassafras lands, inflicting Stunned on all players for 5 seconds.
  • Sassafrasassination: Lord Sassafras targets one player like the other attack of the same name, but this time, Lord Sassahat is also splashing coffee onto them with his mug in order to inflict Slowed and reduce movement control.

Final Attack


Lord Sassafras's Hypermatter Ultimatum Gigablast attack.

  • Hypermatter Ultimatum Gigablast: The very last attack used by Lord Sassafras in his entire battle. Lord Sassahat returns to his master's head, and they both begin to glow brightly. The arena's lights go out as all Hesperians group up under the blindingly shiny Lord Sassafras as he glows brighter and brighter, lifting him into the air in a column of eyes. Eventually, there will be a point where Lord Sassafras hits the ceiling. When this happens, he explodes, releasing massive quantities of IE Energy before returning to the ground unscathed. This attack doesn't actually do anything, it's just amusing to watch as a cutscene.

The End of Lord Sassafras?

Note: The quotes here are just an example of what can be said due to the live ad-libbing, but all the animations will play, including the Hesperian parade into the portal at the end.

When Lord Sassafras and Lord Sasshat have been damaged enough in Phase 9 and used Hypermatter Ultimatum Gigablast, the former looks sarcastically worried, but then cackles, smiling wide.

"Aw haw hee ho! You think it's all over, do you? Want to know the truth, do you? Hee hee!"

Lord Sassafras rips off the fake healthbar below him to reveal a full green bar.

"I would play with you more, but I want to see how much IE Energy we've profited from this battle! Hesperians, return to the Realm of Sassafras, and begin the TWO HUNDRED TWENTY-SEVEN PERCENT OFF IE ENERGY SALE! And Hexen, you're coming with me!"

Lord Sassafras snaps his fingers, reviving every Hesperian who was defeated during the battle. He summons a Belisarius Roomba, grabs Hexen by using Rocket Punch and drives offscreen with every other Hesperian in the room in tow through a portal, with Lord Sassahat dancing on his head all the while. The screen fades to black and all players are sent back to Imperium, unless they witnessed the Hypermatter Ultimatum Gigablast, in that case they would be teleported to MopePro's Cosmic Hole.

Sassafras spawns in the Realm and Arena will not occur for 120 hours, then they will start spawning again. Six days after the end of the event, the Sassa Club spawn cycle will begin, Hexen will reappear in his fortress, and the entire cycle of Hesperia begins anew...


Since Lord Sassafras is played by a developer, that same developer (or someone else) will also be voice-acting Lord Sassafras on the spot, either saying scripted lines (in the case of the intros), ad-libbing things, or saying whatever. Some attacks have certain recommended lines, but it's up to the voice actor to say what they think will be best.

Intro Quotes

Intro quotes are scripted lines read by the voice actor (or simply pre-recorded audio.)

"So we meet at last. I will have you know that it does not matter whether you defeat me or not, as my goals have been achieved long ago. My essence is everywhere with the Realm in the form of all the Hesperians you have fought, are fighting, and will fight. As you can see, I am everywhere, but yet how, and why am I here in front of you? Well, you see, as you may have figured, I take great glee in pestering anything and everything. I was once an old god at the level of Panzer, who that silly Archprophet keeps trying to release from the prison realm and repeatedly fails. I may or may have not meddled in those processes, heh heh heh... but truth be told, I am of course the first Sassafras, if you really want to call me that, as that is now my given name, which I LOOOOVE! That aside, we both know what you're all here for. If you want a fight, it's a fight you'll get! Hexen! Thank you for 'taking care' of me for so long, although the ducks did most of the work! It was soooo nice of you!

(Hexen can be seen boiling in anger)

And now, it's time for me to return the favor! IT'S SASSAFRAS TIME! NOW, GET READY, BECAUSE..." (Said the first time he is met)

"Hello, hello, and welcome again! It seems you all have come back for round two, ah ha HA! I must say, Sassafrexen was right about your persistence. My fellow Hesperians, see who stands before you. The most highly trained soldiers of the Realm, against the most highly trained soldiers of our glorious Hesperian League. You know, I set apart an hour each day to see if you will succeed in having tea time with me, and I was beginning to lose hope that you wouldn't show up. But you did, and I'm glad that it is so. For I, His Sassajesty, Lord Sassafras of Hesperia, adores the company of his Hesperian countrymen, and most importantly, YOU!"

(Lord Sassafras points at Hexen, who mouths, 'Who, me?'"

"Aaaaanyway, you know what? HEXEN, THIS IS FOR YOU!" (Said the second time he is met)

"It is my greatest pleasure to welcome you to my renovated activity room, for lack of a better descriptor. Hexen, I'm quite certain that you'll find the walls now have built-in wasabi dispensers. Look!"

(Lord Sassafras grabs one of the players and holds them under one of the wasabi dispensers, soaking them in wasabi.)

"Now, my Regian friend, aren't you spicy! It's time for the rallying call! My fellow Hesperians, repeat after me! Spicy, spicy, SASSAFRAS! Again, but this time, LOUDER! SPICY, SPICY, SASS! A! FRASS! Good, good! And now I proclaim..." (Said the third time he is met)

"Oh, this never gets old. Let's get to it, shall we? I'm in a little bit of a rush today. (Chance to be said any time after the third battle)

"-Spicy, spicy Hexen, oh he who rules the hexagons- Oh, I didn't see you there. This is my new work, titled 'Spicy Hexen'. I'd like to share it with you, but it's too incomplete as of now. While you're here, let's have some fun!" (Chance to be said any time after the third battle)

"Oh, you're here! Begin the show!" (Chance to be said any time after the third battle)


Additional intros, attack lines, and ending lines can be (and are) ad-libbed on the spot.



Lord Sassafras's first design.

  • The third largest page on the wiki, succeeded by the Archprophet and DCoW Heroes for second and first-place positions respectively.
    • Used to be the largest before I decided to dump one phase and remove the redundant attack lists.
  • He technically has 13 phases, but only 9 (or 10) are actually used.
  • In terms of attack mechanics in Phase 4A, coincidentally, he is very similar to the Calamity Mod for Terraria's LORDE Superboss, in which both can use the AI/attacks of almost any other boss. However, Lord Sassafras was not inspired by LORDE.
  • Thanks to everyone who has contributed attack ideas to this page so far:
  • Between Lord Sassafras and Lord Sasshat, they have 109 attacks total in Phase 9.2. His Sassajesty is truly unpredictable, as he should be when he is the leader of a race of (somewhat) irrational and unusual beings.
  • His fight underwent a massive revamp on March 9-10th, 2018.
    • Two MORE phases were added on October 1-2, 2018.
  • Phase 9, which involved the summoning of the entire High Council of Hesperia, was removed to make the fight a bit easier and to extract some redundancy from this. Lord Sassahat's phase, which was originally Phase 10, is now Phase 9.
  • Lord Sassafras is, in fact, the original and first Sassafras.
  • The Archprophet knows about Lord Sassafras (and the entire Hesperian League, for that matter), but does not deem him an imminent threat. Unfortunately, that's no longer true, and it's been that way for quite a while now...
    • He originally intended to take over the Realm, but the plans have changed. Now, the harvesting of IE Energy is going towards a greater purpose, as well as the takeover of the Realm, but the latter is the secondary goal, explaining why Lord Sassafras doesn't just straight out take over the Realm, as the IE Energy is needed elsewhere. The primary goal is to [redacted]
    • The other main use of IE Energy, apart from Hesperian general use (detailed on its page), is to manufacture IE Energy Drinks, a special item. It's what's being done in the meantime, and is the primary use of all the excess IE Energy that the Hesperians don't need. The drink is sold to all the factions in the world of the Extended Tale of Diep, including the Tanks (via a vendor just outside of Imperium.)
  • He used to have a different, more simplistic design, but it was changed because he deserved something much better.
  • Credit to Taco for the Perpahedron™.
  • No relation to Lord Buckethead, who was just one of Zathsu's reference tongue-in-cheek joke bosses and isn't canon in the ToD.
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