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The Spicyfras, in The Extended Tale of Diep, is the elected representative of commmon Hesperians to serve as the voice of the masses on the High Council of Hesperia, the ruling body below Lord Sassafras of the entire Hesperian League. Idea by Diepmon.

Overview

"For a Hesperian to be a Spicyfras to voice their fellow Hesperians' opinions, they must be elected by popular vote to a three-year term. They must be completely devoid of bias and not be tempted by personal gain, which usually isn't a problem. The Spicyfras must also be a proficient fighter and have gathered lots of IE Energy in the Realm to be eligible for the position's candidacy." - Sassafrexen, Guide to the Hesperian League, Revision XXVII.

The truth is quite close to that - but what the first Subordinate of Lord Sassafras left out was that the Spicyfras is any one of five different Hesperians, elected to that position and who hold it concurrently. However, only one is ever actually needed to be serving the Spicyfras's duties - they rotate into service at random, but communicate with each other often to coordinate issues and the method of rotation.

As such, the Spicyfras that players battle is completely random each time - no two consecutive runs of the Blarney Archives will ever have the same Spicyfras twice in a row.

Venison

Venison is an odd Hesperian, with an infinite intrigue in fractals (or so he says.) He specializes in seemingly near-endless attacks. He's not infinitely intuitive, though...

If Venison is the Spicyfras in rotation, he begins battle as soon as all players are in his battle room. He only has one phase.

  • Ring Around: Venison clones himself into a massive ring around all players, and all clones throw their hammers at players at different intervals. However, only one hammer is the real one and actually deals high damage.
  • Broil Burst: Venison's hammer glows red as he smashes the floor, liquefying it into bubbling IE Energy that inflicts Spiced and Burning on contact for 6 seconds.
  • Cataclysm Vortex: Venison smashes the hammer into nothing, opening a spacetime rift that forcibly sucks him into it. He then spontaneously appears somewhere in the arena, dealing extreme damage to all players in a large area centered on him.
  • Fractalistic Smash: Venison smashes the ground with his hammer, causing the tile to shatter and fly into the air around him. It serves as a shield that absorbs anywhere between 750 and 1500 HP's worth of damage from all sources.
  • Divide By Zero: Venison performs an impossible calculation with IE Energy, causing multiple wormholes to open around the room in random positions and in different sizes. These deal medium damage to players who pass through them and inflict them with a random debuff before dumping them out in a different wormhole.
  • Crimp Integral: Venison attempts to take an integral over a discontinuous boundary on a given function, causing him to fall over backward and be stunned for 4-12 seconds without attacking and takes 110-290% increased damage while he is down.
  • Constant Derivative: Venison jumps into the air and performs a spin leap, falling on top of the largest group of players while spinning his sharp body to deal medium ticking damage.
  • Uncountable Infinities: Venison summons an endless stream of blue Sassafras Minions from his spawner. To counter this attack, players must damage Venison for 1000 HP. Taking too long to do so will eventually clog the room with Minions and either lag the game or kill all players, whichever comes first. If players manage to stop Venison, all the Minions will spontaneously explode into 10 Annihilator bullets. Each.
  • Hypercube Slash: Venison transforms into a tesseract and rotates in the fourth dimension while bouncing around and seemingly disobeying the laws of physics while dealing extremely high damage to any players hit. This attack wastes lots of IE Energy, hence he won't use it often.
  • Hammer Absolute: Venison jumps and smacks a player with his hammer, dealing massive damage and flattening the player for 15 seconds with Stunned.
  • Irrational Rations: Venison manifests food out of nothingness and flings it at players. Depending on the size of the dish, players receive low to high damage.
  • Improper Multiple Integral: Venison manifests an oddly-shaped 3D object with 4 straight edges but with a wavy top, which he then proceeds to throw around the room with his hammer.
  • Polar Laser: Venison fires an extremely long laser from his eye that travels in a spiral pattern, looping outwards at high speed and hitting any players on the way for high damage.
  • Illogical Fallacy: Venison squints his eye as he fills players' screens with images of paradoxes and illogical questions with illogical results, blocking up their viewscreen and subconsciously distracting the actual player's mind just by glancing at one of these conundrums. Followed by that, he spams 30-50 fast-rotating blue squares the size of his hands towards all players while they are pondering over the problems. These squares deal high damage but have low penetration.
  • Inscrutable Series: Venison blasts off "trains" of Sassafras Minions numbering from 8 to 11 fast-moving Minions in length. These trains bounce off walls while firing bullets, and only move in straight lines. Contact with these trains is a 50% chance for instant death or being healed to full health, each of which is 25%. The other 50% is that high knockback and medium damage will be incurred.

Chile-aua

Chile-aua may very well be the only Hesperian with common origins who is deemed "spicy in excess, with the tendency to kick off at any given time." Truth be told, Chile-aua was at one time the champion of IE Energy gathering, topping the Sassafras Supreme by over triple the gathering rate. "Kicking off at any given time" means that Chile-aua is an arsonist, and willingly sets fire to everything that should be set on fire, and doesn't do it when it doesn't need to be. So you see, "spicy in excess" is really just Hesperian talk for "one who excels at everything they do well." And the requirements for Spicyfras don't state anything about personal vices or serial arsonist tendencies.

If Chile-aua is the Spicyfras in rotation, he begins battle as soon as all players are in his battle room. He has two phases.

Phase 1

  • Fireball: Chile-aua pumps out a fireball from his lighter that flies off in a random direction at players at a medium speed. It inflicts Burning for 8 seconds on contact and deals high damage.
  • Splinter Split: Chile-aua sets fire to his stick and runs around cackling, setting fire to the floor with splinters. Players that walk over these splinters receive Burning for 3 seconds and low damage.
  • Flame Burst: Chile-aua transforms into a giant chili pepper and pulsates rapidly, releasing a ring of flame that expands with openings the farther it travels away from him. Deals high damage and Burning for 6 seconds on contact.
  • YOU get a flame and YOU get a flame: Chile-aua lights his stick like a torch and extends his stringy arm holding it out at players, moving with no apparent pattern and setting all players on fire, inflicting Burning for 10 seconds on all players.
  • Napalm Blast: Chile-aua's lighter releases a wave of blue fireballs that inflict Burning and Weakened for 13 seconds and medium damage.
  • Firey Flow: Chile-aua holds the lighter in front of him as he turns it on, sending him flying backward as a rapidly expanding cone of fire emanates from the barrel. Chile-aua then proceeds to fly around the room uncontrollably, up into the air and smashing into the wall and floor at some points. Any places where Chile-aua hits the walls or floors will be visibly scorched but not deal any contact damage, and Chile-aua's fire trail deals low damage and Burning for 2 seconds upon contact. Chile-aua flies around for 20-35 seconds before he smashes into the ground, dealing 500 damage to himself and stunning himself for 5 seconds, as well as high damage to players who are unfortunate enough to be hit by him.
  • Combustion Trick: Chile-aua disappears in a puff of dense, black smoke, and reappears in a corner of the room before swamping the entire room with the smog. All players receive Blinded for 10 seconds as Chile-aua appears randomly, whacking players with his stick for low damage. The smoke clears after 15 seconds.
  • Ignition Blast: Eight Sassafras Minions rush into the room from the north exit, carrying 40 planks of wood in total. They set them down around Chile-aua in a semicircle formation, at which Chile-aua sets fire to each stack of 5 planks and tosses them out in a 60-degree arc at random intervals. He takes 60% less damage during this attack, which lasts for 45 seconds. Each plank deals medium-high damage and inflicts Stunned on players hit for 5 seconds.
  • Frenzy Flame: Chile-aua waves his lighter like a wand and a "living flame" flies out from it. It weaves around the room, rapidly passing through players to deal no damage but inflict Burning for 3 seconds. However, this effect is continuously applied each time the flame passes through a player, which can be up to several times per second.
  • Combustive Blitz: Chile-aua becomes encased in a fiery vortex and blasts through the largest group of players, dealing very high damage. However, he also takes 1/3 of the damage he dealt as recoil.
  • Flaser: Chile-aua charges up his lighter, then releases a flurry of fast-moving flames rotary cannon-style. These deal low damage, but Chile-aua repeats this attack 10 times.

Phase 2

In Phase 2 at 11,500 health, Chile-aua sets himself on fire. He constantly takes damage at a rate of 10 HP per second, but his contact damage increases every 10 seconds by 10% (not ranged attacks.) Chile-aua starts using more contact moves during this phase.

New attacks:

  • Heat Crash: Chile-aua grows in size and jumps into the air before crashing back down to deal high damage. The floor beneath his impact combusts into flames that last for 1 minute.
  • Infernal Shield: Chile-aua projects a shield of fire from his lighter all around him that absorbs all physical ammunition for 30 seconds. Contact with the shield burns players for 10 seconds while attempting to pass through it drastically slows movement speed as well as applying a stacking damage debuff that increases exponentially the longer players remain in the fire.
  • Whirlnado: Chile-aua starts to spin rapidly while using his lighter, encasing himself in a vortex of flame that moves around the room to crash into players. He also sends 10-12 small wood splints out every 2 seconds that deal low damage but inflict Bleeding for 2 seconds.
  • FIREBALL!: Chile-aua summons a Fireball!. In fact, he summons 10 of them that fly down and hit random areas on the arena.
  • Fusion Flare: Chile-aua moves to the very back of the room and starts charging up a gigantic fireball that is nearly twice his size. Once released after 7 seconds, it fires forward slowly, instantly killing players on contact. However, unlike Decratite's attack of the same name and similar mechanics, Chile-aua immediately continues attacking afterward instead of being burned out.

I-Sass

Before he was Spicyfras, I-Sass was one of Hatappy's rivals before both of them were promoted to High Council positions. While Hatappy was a master in the craft of Hesperian millinery, I-Sass was also a ventriloquist as well as being a hatmaker. But he was exposed by the populace as a fraud, as the little Hesperian "puppet" he used in his acts turned out to simply be a miniature Hesperian with the talent to uncannily mimic a puppet, named Lil'I. However, he continued in the art of hatmaking, and eventually ran for the office of Spicyfras. Both I-Sass and Lil'I share the office, but I-Sass does most of the administrative work while Lil'I conducts presentations. The duo like to maintain the illusion that Lil'I is a puppet, but almost every Hesperian knows the truth otherwise.

Phase 1

Lil'I remains in his "puppet" persona for the duration of their first phase. I-Sass, on the other hand, begins attacking as soon all players are in the room. I-Sass is a prolific user of IE Energy, and has a variety of attacks that use it in some way.

  • Babble: I-Sass makes Lil'I "talk," as a stream of bullets flies out towards players in a 50 degree spread.
  • Spike Bolts: I-Sass shoots out 12 Thorn Mine spikes from his staff in a pentagon formation that home in on players after 3 second if they haven't hit anything yet.
  • IE Energy Burst: I-Sass waves his wand in a circular formation above his head as giant balls of IE Energy appear, rotating with the movement of his wand. I-Sass launches these balls of energy off at players, dealing high area damage in a medium area and inflicting Confused, Poisoned, Weakened, and Burned all at once for 5, 6, 7, and 8 seconds respectively on all players hit.
  • Wasteful IE Energy Burst: The same thing as IE Energy Burst, but the energy balls are much larger, there are fewer of them, and they now deal low damage over a large area and don't give players debuffs. When this happens, I-Sass looks at his wand and taps it on the ground several times in frustration before resuming with his attacks.
  • Buzzafras: I-Sass sweeps his staff back and forth multiple times, the "star" part of which is spinning rapidly like a saw. Players hit receive Slowed and Bleeding for 5 seconds and medium damage.
  • Staple Gun: I-Sass pulls out a cordless staple gun and starts firing staples in every which direction with a fire rate of 0.15 seconds lasting for 10 seconds total, inflicting low damage and Bleeding for 12 second on hit.
  • Controlling Performance: I-Sass pulls out a marionette assembly and grabs a player. He then proceeds to override that player's control for 12 seconds, making them attack their teammates. However, this attack has a 5% chance to fail - I-Sass may accidentally grab himself with the assembly instead, stunning himself for 12 seconds.
  • Derpii-yo: I-Sass manifests Derpii's staff out of IE Energy, causing Derpii to spontaneously appear, grab it back from him and disappear as fast as she came. I-Sass then looks confused and looks at Lil'I, if he is still on I-Sass's hand. This only occurs once per battle.
  • DARPY AND FRIENDS: I-Sass brings up some very crude imitations of Trinovia, Oculus, and Derpii in the form of three miniature puppets that sing and dance in place for as long as they last. They have 4000 health each and inflict Spiced on all players until all three are destroyed. I-Sass continues attacking after he has summoned the puppets.
  • Mega Blast: I-Sass waves his staff and fires off a huge bolt of IE Energy that pierces through all targets to the opposite wall before boomeranging back the way it came to I-Sass, hitting everything on the way back (and on its first trip as well) for high damage and inflicting Paralyzed for 5 seconds. Woe upon those who are too close to the switchback point of this attack, as they can't move...
  • IE Energy Tempest: I-Sass waves his wand, summoning in 10 floating Hesperian Hats. These hats move around the room, striking players with bolts of IE Energy, inflicting Sassafrized and Dazed for 30 seconds and 10 seconds respectively, as well as low damage.
  • Master of Millinery: I-Sass takes off his giant hat, revealing a (slightly smaller) hat underneath. He takes that hat off to reveal yet another hat, and so on to the point where I-Sass has taken off twenty hats. Once he takes off the 21st hat, Lil'I is revealed to be underneath. But Lil'I is still in I-Sass's hand - how can that be? The one in I-Sass's hand deflates, revealing it to be an imposter. I-Sass flings the 20 smaller hats at players and puts the first, largest hat back on his head and Lil'I back on his hand. The hats have a 75% chance on impact to trap players within, limiting their visibility and forcing players to burn through 200 to 1000 health to get free, depending on the size of the hat.
  • Hattery Beyond Belief: I-Sass balances his staff on top of his hat, and lifts both staff and hat into the air above him. The staff fires 10 beams that lock onto up to 10 players within 30 tiles, dealing increasing damage with no limit until all players get out of a 40-tile radius centered on I-Sass.
  • BlAAtttt: Performed at 65% health. I-Sass rips a massive fart, but blames Lil'I for it. At this, Lil'I becomes active and Phase 2 begins.

Phase 2

When I-Sass reaches 65% health, Lil'I's eyes look at players, and he spin-jumps off of I-Sass's hand and starts attacking. I-Sass and Lil'I attack independently of each other, but occasionally they may perform a tag-team attack, listed below. I-Sass does not gain any new attacks for the rest of the battle. Lil'I and I-Sass share I-Sass's remaining health pool, but each takes 50% reduced damage to compensate for the additional target. Lil'I does not deal body damage.

Lil'I's Attacks:

  • Bullet Breath: Lil'I spreads his hands and releases a dense cone of Gunner bullets that travel for 20 tiles and deal low damage.
  • Knifepoint: Lil'I manifests a small dagger out of IE Energy and throws it, dealing high damage and inflicting Bleeding for 8 seconds on a single target if it hits. Repeated 2-5 times.
  • Spicy Grenade: Lil'I sweeps his hat and pulls out a Thorn Mine, which he then lobs at players for medium-high area damage. The explosion also inflicts Spiced for 2-5 seconds.
  • Annoyance: Lil'I babbles incessantly, inflicting all players within 30 tiles of him with Confused for 4 seconds.
  • Subconscious Subduction: Lil'I's pupils widen as he starts smiling creepily, inflicting all players with Weakened and Slowed for 10 seconds.

Tag Team Attacks:

  • In and Out: Lil'I jumps onto I-Sass's head as the latter lifts his hat. Lil'I is then covered by I-Sass's hat, and I-Sass proceeds to throw his hat (and Lil'I) at players. The hat deals low damage in a small area upon impact, but Lil'I will then jump out, toss the hat back to I-Sass, and do a rapid spin attack that grants him 30% damage reduction and deals medium damage and high knockback on contact.
  • Eye of the Beholder: Lil'I goes cross-eyed, and fires two lasers from his eyes that cross each other in opposite directions. Upon hit, these lasers harvest IE Energy from players. When that happens, the IE Energy is transferred to I-Sass, who uses it to power up his next attack's initial damage by 25-75%.
  • Integration Rejuvenation: Lil'I projects the paths traced by players' movements in the last 10 seconds. He then takes the maximum bounds, using the right wall as the x-axis. All areas are then totaled up, then divided by the number of players. This number is then multiplied by 10 and I-Sass and Lil'I heal for this amount.
  • Eye See All: I-Sass brandishes his wand, causing the star part of it to flash gold and white rapidly while I-Sass starts dancing. The wand then channels a beam of IE Energy into Lil'I, causing him to dance faster and faster until he explodes, inflicting Hesperized, Spiced, and Confused on all players for 30, 30, and 12 seconds respectively, as well as medium damage.
  • Little Lamp: Lil'I vanishes, and all players within 20 tiles of where he was receive Blinded for 10 seconds. He then appears on top of I-Sass's wand, where I-Sass flings him upwards to unleash an energy ball attack that deals high damage in a medium area and inflicts Dazed for 7 seconds.
  • Frisk: Lil'I switches up the contents of 5 players' inventories, moving them around in random positions (not between players, though.) This may result in their current weapon being replaced with a non-weapon item.

Oddeity and Sham-urai

Unlike the other Spicyfrases, Oddeity and Sham-urai are siblings who share a Spicyfras rotational spot and responsibilities. They engage players in a double battle, making it so that there are only 4 possible Spicyfras battles.

Oddeity is a fez-wearing Hesperian who loves nothing more than to help other Hesperians - perhaps too willingly, as she has a tendency to overcomplicate tasks with a 125% success rate (the extra 25% is often an additional positive result of the action taken.) Before being a Spicyfras, she was a baker.

Sham-urai was the former Beserker Legion Commander before Coldfist took over the position, (or supposedly did, the problem being that there is no being named Coldfist in Hesperian records.) For being a war hero in the Great Lunar War (involving the Hesperian League against the Freshwater Grovelers, more of a disagreement about whether the moon is actually the Hesperians' home or not), he was elected by the populace as Spicyfras. Unfortunately, his sword skills haven't been up to par since his days as a Legion Commander.

Sham-urai and Oddeity engage players in a battle where both of them are eventually active, although one will not arrive until the Phase 2 of the other. Either Oddeity or Sham-urai appears first in Phase 1, then the other joins them in Phase 2. Neither boss by themselves is that difficult, but together, they are a formidable foe.

Phase 1 (Oddeity)

  • Ballistic Wobble: Oddeity extends her arms out and wiggles them wildy, dealing high contact damage and knockback.
  • Odds and Evens: Oddeity uses a random number generator (RNG) to throw out various numbers between -100 and 100. She sums up the total of these 20 numbers, and deal damage equal to that value on one very unfortunate player. However, if the number is negative, it will actually bounce back damage Oddeity instead for that value (ignoring damage modifiers.)
  • Submergent: Oddeity melts into IE Energy and moves around in a slug-like fashion for 20 seconds, engulfing players and releasing them afterwards for high damage and inflicting Slowed for 20 seconds.
  • Hesperian Aurics: Oddeity sings in a single direction, dealing linear damage downwards 5 tiles across in front of her.
  • Assistance in Addition: Oddeity creates a clone of herself that is 50% smaller than her. It has 5000 health, and can perform any other of Oddeity's attacks, including this one... which it promptly repeats 1-5 times upon its creation. The clones it creates have half its health and half its size and can perform any other attacks except this one, unlike the first-order clone.
  • Fez-a-rang: Oddeity extends the string on her fez and swings it across the room, dealing medium damage to players hit by it.
  • Suction Cups: Oddeity extends her arms and grabs the walls, holding her bouncy body in place. She bounces up and down, shaking the entire building and dealing low damage that ticks every .5 seconds for 10 seconds.
  • Sling King: Oddeity sticks her arms onto the walls again, but this time at a corner. She pushes herself into said corner and releases her grasp, sending herself flying and dealing massive damage.
  • Techo Fecho: Oddeity jumps and sticks her arms on the ceiling, shooting lasers from her eye that inflict Slowed and Spiced for 15 seconds on hit as well as medium damage.
  • Bouncy Wobble: Oddeity uses her arms as pogo sticks, bouncing up and down on top of players, dealing medium-high damage and inflicting Stunned for 3 seconds on hit.

Phase 1 (Sham-urai)

Being an unoriginal Hesperian, all of Sham-urai's attacks are copied from Trites and have the exact same animations unless otherwise noted. The difference is that Sham-urai deals 170% more damage than Trites would, but has a 60% chance to fail and miss all players with each attack.

  • Slash: Sham-urai swipes one of his swords out to the side and sweeps it back in to hit anything in the middle for medium damage.
  • Expand: Sham-urai holds his swords in an X formation in front of him for a few seconds, and sweeps both of his hands out to a fully open position, hitting anything in the middle for medium damage. He is vulnerable during this attack because after he opens his swords up, he remains in that stance for a moment before returning to his normal battle stance.
  • Sky Slash: Sham-urai jumps and lands in an area nearby, dealing low impact damage and high sword contact damage, with both swords held straight out in front of him.
  • Reversal Strike: Sham-urai tosses out all four of his swords. The swords travel in a horseshoe formation before returning to his hands. The swords spin as they travel, dealing medium-low damage and are quite fast. Repeated twice.
  • Blazing Curve: Sham-urai moves his swords into Expand's X-formation, and they get a dark brown-tan rapidly extending energy extension from their tips as he charges forward to deal high damage.
  • X-Scissor: Sham-urai crosses his swords, but not up close to him like in other X-formation attacks. He gets as close as he can to players and wields his swords like a giant pair of scissors, trying to "cut" them up for high damage. If Sham-urai does not succeed in getting a player damaged through his attack, he will try again until he succeeds or he has tried four times.
  • Super Slice: Sham-urai holds both swords together in both hands, holds the combined blade overhead, and slams it down on the nearest player with a guaranteed hit (this one will always hit.) The player is inflicted with damage equal to 3/4ths of their current health, so it will never kill them unless they have 1 HP.
  • Quad Rotor: Sham-urai holds both of his hands straight out, manifesting an additional 2 hands and two swords as he spins his swords around as he himself spins into a blur. The spinning Sham-urai dashes with insane speed at players, inflicting high damage and knockback on contact. Lasts for 12 seconds, with up to 5 players targeted. His selection range is short, though, so it's easy to avoid if you stay far away.
  • Heat Crash: Sham-urai encases himself in a flaming aura, with his swords in front of him sticking out of the blaze. He charges at players to deal medium damage and having a 30% chance to inflict Burned for 6 seconds on contact.
  • Hilt Strike: A passive effect that is always active on Sham-urai. If a player comes in contact with his hands (including during Quad Rotor,) the cannons on them will activate, causing a massive explosion that knocks all players back within 20 tiles and inflicts Dazed on all those players as well as medium damage.

Phase 2

When the first Spicyfras reaches 60% HP, the second Spicyfras appears. Both Spicyfrases will heal to 100% health and begin attacking. The second Spicyfras has the same attack select as if they were the first one fought. No new attacks are gained in this phase by either.

Death Animations

Upon the end of their battle at 0 HP, each of the Spicyfrases has a unique death animation.

  • Venison's eye starts spinning around its socket as the patterns on his body also start spinning at different speeds and glowing. He is lifted into the air by an absurdly bright blue aura before exploding into a massive amount of energy.
  • Chile-aua's lighter starts malfunctioning, spraying sparks everywhere. He looks at the lighter, and with a frightened expression on his face (or at least his eye,) Chile-aua disappears in a puff of smoke. The faint sound of an explosion can be heard in the distance, and any players currently in the Realm of Sassafras's Arethusa region at this time will witness a spontaneous fiery explosion that is rapidly put out by Hesperian firefighters.
  • I-Sass takes off his hat, enlarges it with IE Energy, and jumps in along with Lil'I. The hat then simply vanishes in a flash of light, along with its occupants.
  • Sham-urai and Oddeity, whoever's HP reaches 0 first, will teleport away, leaving behind a sizable amount of IE Energy. The remaining boss will absorb that IE Energy, increasing movement speed and outgoing damage by 200% (so it's important to burn them down evenly, not one at a time.)

Trivia

  • Venison doesn't love deer meat. However, he adores moose meat.
  • Some of Chile-aua's attacks are partially based and/or named for Fire-type Pokemon moves.
  • I-Sass's "DARPY AND FRIENDS" attack is based on the storyline of Aeroventures 10.5, where Arkpeophet and Lacus watch a TV show featuring the characters Darpy, Occulos, and Trinny, who are tasked with saving some Regians from a bomb.
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